


Spare and Found Parts

by monsterleadmehome



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Limbs, Memory Loss, Mild Gore, No Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:35:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21736177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monsterleadmehome/pseuds/monsterleadmehome
Summary: When a TIE fighter crashes in the Jakku desert, Rey rescues its sole occupant... or what's left of him. The mysterious stranger looks like he had been left for dead, missing several limbs and the memory of what happened to him.He is... broken. But that's okay with Rey. She's great at fixing things.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 231
Kudos: 453





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The idea for this canon divergent fic came to me while watching ROTS and thinking about Grievous, how he's mostly droid with some organic parts. And how Anakin becomes "more machine than man." Anyway, I decided to do that to Ben... just slightly different.
> 
> Note: Rey is underage when the fic starts. I'm keeping the canon age difference, so this has more to do with Ben's age at the outset than hers. There will be a time jump eventually, so there won't be any underage sex.
> 
> I'm not sure how long it's going to be yet, but I wanted to get the first chapter out before TROS. I'm hoping to maybe post chapter 2 before then as well, but we'll see.
> 
> Thanks to obsessivepropulsive for the beta!

Rey had two talents—fixing things and waiting. Scavenging was a way of life, and she had been pretty fortunate to find some exceptionally valuable parts in the Jakku desert. Most of this she brought to Plutt and traded for portions, but some things—some things came home with her to her hollowed out AT-AT walker. 

She liked droids best. She had repaired a little R2 unit once and it followed her around while she’d investigate downed ships, stripping the parts she knew would bring her the most food. However, droids were also valuable and she’d had to fight off other scavengers looking to steal her hard work.

Out there in the open desert with nothing but the wrath of R’iia to strip your skin, it was often kill or be killed. Rey didn’t enjoy it, but she was a survivor first. After all, she’d made it more than ten years in this wasteland. She wasn’t about to give up now. 

Her family would return soon. She could feel it.

As far as she could tell, she was around five standard years old when she was left on this planet. Surely it wasn’t an accident. Surely it was for her own protection. They couldn’t have known how harsh and unforgiving it would be here. That would make her about sixteen now, but she hadn’t been a child in a _long_ time.

Returning home exhausted and dirty after a long day of work, there wasn’t anything she wouldn’t give for a real ‘fresher with a shower at a time like this. But she just didn’t see the point in paying to use the one at Niima Outpost more than once a week.

She’d just be getting filthy again tomorrow. 

Rey stripped down to her breast band and shorts. She used to go naked under her work clothes and wraps, but once her breasts had come in, the older male scavengers started looking at her like _she_ was something to be stripped for parts. After that she learned to cover herself up if she didn’t want trouble. 

As she lay in her hammock—because an AT-AT in the Jakku desert wasn’t conducive to a _real_ bed—Rey fingered the waistband of her shorts. On some nights when sleep evaded her, she’d shove her hand between her legs and play with the tight bud at her apex until she shuddered her release. It made sleep come easier. It also left her with a vague sense of longing.

After her last droid friend was lost to a sandstorm, she hadn’t bothered making another. She occasionally collected parts, but honestly wasn’t sure if she’d get a chance to use them. Everything was just going to portions right now.

She cast one last look to the flower on her table, miraculously still alive after a month of being there. The howling winds lulled her to sleep easily as she let her mind wander with what tomorrow might bring.

* * *

Dawn signaled the beginning of a scavenger’s day. Rey had been waking up with the blistering Jakku sun for as long as she could remember. She fixed herself a quick meal of polystarch bread before strapping on her gear and heading out on her speeder.

It was nearing noon and the water in her canteen was about half full when she spotted it—a small dot speeding through the atmosphere. It increased in size and got louder as it drew closer. _Is that an old Imperial TIE fighter?_ It was smoking from one of the panels and dropping altitude quickly.

She watched as it crashed in the Goazon Badlands.

Rey zoomed her speeder out to the wreckage, which was still smoking. A fresh crash usually meant prime scavenging, but it was common sense that one must wait till the smoke clears to be able to explore safely. She didn’t care about her safety at the moment, though. She wanted to see if there were any survivors.

By the time she reached the ship, the fire had ravaged most of it. She pried open the entry hatch using a crowbar she kept on hand, thankful for her happabore leather gloves. She waved through the smoke and realized there was a man inside.

Or at least, part of one.

His left arm was missing from the shoulder joint—which made leverage hard as she attempted to lift him out. He was big, too—massive in terms of width and muscle. Rey concentrated harder than she ever had in her life, and suddenly he seemed a bit lighter. As she pulled him down and tried to fashion a makeshift stretcher alongside her speeder, she realized why.

Both of his legs were missing at the knees. 

All his major wounds were cauterized, almost like they had been done some time before he even got in the ship. And with something extremely hot. There was a nasty cut through the right side of his face, which seemed to have taken his eye as well, and some of his hair had been singed off. What remained of it was really quite lustrous—black and shiny and impossibly soft.

She wasn’t even sure if he was still alive until he opened his left eye, took a heaving gasp of air, grabbed her wraps with his right hand and wheezed, “Don’t let him find me.” Then he passed out.

* * *

The man was a mess. Besides having lost three of his limbs and an eye, he was covered in blood, muck, and soot. But at least he was breathing. She flew over the sand dunes as fast as possible with the injured man strapped in beside her. 

Getting him into the AT-AT was difficult—and she wasn’t quite sure where she was going to put him. Looking around, she spied the old workspace where she used to piece things together. It was now covered with spare droid parts and other random items, but she swept everything off, letting it clatter to the floor. Then, using all her strength and the stretcher she’d fashioned from a piece of metal door, she heaved him onto the surface. He didn’t even stir.

Rey’s first aid kit included several bacta patches, an ointment for sunburn, and a needle and thread. In other words, not nearly enough to treat this man’s wounds. If he had been another scavenger, she might have left him there to die. At most, she might have ferried him to Niima Outpost for medical attention. But something about him called to her—even seemed familiar.

And it had been so long since she’d had any company.

She located her cleanest rag and the drinking water that was supposed to last until the weekend and started to clean him off so she could assess the damage. This meant she’d have to undress him, but seeing as he was unconscious, she didn’t think he’d mind.

Rey had seen quite a few human men in various states of undress—Niima Outpost was an interesting place. But this man was…different, somehow. Not just the injuries, but as she wiped the dirt from his face and cut the charred cloth from his body, she felt something flutter in her stomach. She peeled what was left of his shirt back and saw something embossed into the lapel in Basic: Kylo Ren.

Was that his name? She set it to the side, just in case.

He was beautiful. With the blood and muck gone, she could see the moles that dotted his skin like stars in the night sky. His prominent nose and mouth which somehow looked regal. And what was left of his body was well defined, large muscles encased in skin that had battle scars here and there—none of them making him any less appealing.

She was attracted to him. It was a feeling she wasn’t familiar with, and it was almost unrecognizable. But somehow now that she knew, it was becoming a bit uncomfortable. She left his underwear in place as she cleaned off his legs, averting her eyes from the rather large bulge between them. 

After she was done washing him, she applied a couple bacta patches to the cut on his face and stood back to look at him. “Who are you?”

The rise and fall of his wide chest was the only response. 

She smoothed his dark hair back from his face, delighting in the feel of it. Then she located her spare blanket and covered him up. His black clothes were useless now, in pieces and scorched tatters on her floor. The sun was low in the sky, and she hadn’t found much of a haul before her daring rescue of the mysterious stranger.

She’d just have to try again tomorrow.

Before leaving the man alone to rest and hopefully heal, she placed her hand over his heart and closed her eyes. _Please live,_ she found herself thinking. Strangely, the skin underneath her hand seemed to warm at her touch and she felt a tug inside her mind, almost like a knocking against the door of her consciousness. She shook her head and walked away to prepare dinner.

* * *

That night, Rey had odd dreams. She was used to strange images floating in and out of her subconscious, but tonight she dreamed of him—Kylo Ren. He was whole and walking towards her in a forest. She’d never seen so much green.

He was trying to speak to her, but she couldn’t hear him. It came out in a muffled cacophony of noise. She reached her hand out to him, begging him to take it, but he was pulled back into the darkness and out of her reach.

She woke up sweating, the darkness inside telling her it was still night. She looked over to where Kylo slept, and waited for her eyes to adjust—to see if he was still breathing. Rey wasn’t used to having people around and it was slightly unnerving. Yet, something about him was also comforting. She really hoped he didn’t die.

Eventually she fell back asleep and didn’t wake until the sunlight streamed in through the hatch that constituted the doorway of her home. She had lost a day and was running low on portions. She needed to find something good today. 

Rey looked over to the stranger again. It was doubtful he’d wake up anytime soon, but just in case she decided to leave him a note. She used a nail, some oil, and a rag to scribble something akin to, “Gone scavenging. Be back later. Don’t leave.”

The first thing she did was track back to Kylo’s ship. She bet it would be picked over by now, but it was worth a shot. She managed to rip off a few console pieces, but then she spied something on the floor, tucked away beneath the ravaged interior. It was black and cylindrical, with a wire running down the length of it. It seemed valuable, so she tucked it away to ask him about when and if he regained consciousness.

She spent all day picking over parts of the Starship Graveyard she hadn’t been to before and was able to scramble enough together to earn five portions from the Blobfish. She figured she’d need to start stockpiling soon if she was going to have another mouth to feed. Maybe if she found some limbs for her new friend, he could help.

But she was getting ahead of herself.

When Rey got back, her stranger was still asleep, the note untouched in his hand. She wasn’t sure what made her do it, but she wandered over to him and put her hand on his heart again. It was beating, he was breathing, but still so far away. _Please live, Kylo._

* * *

This went on for almost a week. Rey would go out and scavenge, collect her portions, eat, and sleep—where she’d dream of Kylo. She kept up her habit of putting her hand over his heart at least once a day and kriff if she wasn’t starting to feel something when she did. Almost like an energy pulsing between them. It was like she could feel something anchored in her and now they were tethered. Ridiculous.

The color started returning to his skin. His wounds were healing. She'd need to stitch up the gash on his face so hopefully the scar would be minimal in time. She examined the eye socket and carefully cleaned it out.

How different were human parts from droid parts, really? She wondered this almost daily as she brought back an increasing amount of spare parts to the AT-AT. She was working harder than ever, rationing her portions and earning as much as possible on her daily hunts while still bringing limbs and artificial eyes back to try on the stranger once he awoke.

Rey was exhausted as she collapsed into her hammock that night. She also craved release. Her muscles ached and she could feel the tension throughout her body. She quickly glanced over to ensure Kylo was still out of it and hurriedly pushed her hand inside her shorts. Her fingers skirted briefly over her mons and quickly found the spot she was needing, stroking herself with vigor. It didn’t take long until she was gasping, clenching around nothing as the tension melted and she relaxed into a hazy bliss. 

It was then that she heard him moan.

She hurriedly wiped her hand off and rushed to his side. “Kylo?” she whispered.

He whimpered in response, his left eye still closed. 

She tried to get him to drink some water and sighed in relief when his Adam’s apple bobbed with a swallowing motion. His fingers twitched and she held his hand momentarily until his breathing evened out again. “Please don’t die,” she said. 

When she was certain he wouldn’t stir again, she went back to bed. That night she dreamed of him smiling at her. She was touching his face and he leaned into her touch. 

* * *

No sooner had she woken up than she heard it. 

“Rey.” 

It was faint, but it was there. 

“Rey…”

She shot up and rushed to his side. His eye was open and he was staring at her. “How do you know my name?”

“Water,” he croaked, voice rough from disuse.

She nodded and picked up the canteen from where it sat beside him, pouring the water between his plush lips. His right hand came up to hold her wrist in place as he drank deeply. Once he had his fill, he used his arm to try to sit up.

“Don’t strain yourself,” she cautioned him, placing a hand on his chest.

He nodded, letting himself fall back to the table, but grabbing her hand where it still lay on his chest. “I know you,” he muttered. “I have been dreaming about you nonstop. You saved my life.”

“Yes.” Her chest constricted at the thought that he’d been dreaming of her, too.

“I don’t know if that was wise.” He looked pained—all she wanted to do was take it away.

“Why?”

“I don’t know who I am,” he answered. “But I think I might be dangerous.”

 _Oh you definitely are,_ she thought.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scrambled to get chapter 2 here before TROS! Unbeta'ed so errors are my own. ;) We're in Ben's POV here and will most likely alternate chapters.
> 
> Not sure when chapter 3 will be here, but definitely sometime after Christmas.

“What do you mean you don’t know who you are?”

He shook his head. “I remember crashing here and you saving me, but everything before that is blank. I don’t even remember my own name.”

He felt a pain ripple through his chest at the admission. Who was he? Where did he belong? Had he been left for dead? Was anyone searching for him? The only thing he was certain of was that the girl in front of him was  _ good. _ She had saved him and he could feel her light in his dreams. Regardless of the other missing pieces, he instinctively knew he could trust her.

She looked confused for a moment. “I’ve been calling you Kylo. It was sewn into your clothing.”

“Kylo,” he tried the name out, rolling it around his tongue. It felt familiar but not quite right. He supposed it would have to do for now. “I guess that works.”

Rey smiled, and his heart warmed. He let her give him some more water, feeling like he would never get his fill, but also suddenly worried about her rations. “It’s okay,” she said as if she felt his worry. “I have more water. Drink as much as you like.”

At her permission, he greedily drank until he was full. Then he propped himself up on his elbow to check out the extensive damage. “How am I even still alive right now?”

She shrugged. “Strong will I bet. I didn’t do much besides clean you off and stick a couple bacta patches on your cut there. Speaking of which—” She paused as she lifted off the most recent bandage and brandished a needle and thread. “I think I can make the scar more minimal by sewing it up some. It’s a rather nasty gash.”

He nodded, laying back down as she got into position. Her fingers were calloused but gentle as she wove the needle back and forth through his face. It didn’t hurt nearly as much as he was expecting—maybe his threshold for pain was high? His mind drifted as she worked, trying to grab onto any possible memory of how he got here or who he was, but it was like pushing up against an impenetrable wall. 

He shoved again, feeling almost like there was a presence pushing back at him. Odd. He looked at Rey with his good eye as she was finishing up. He couldn’t remember anyone he’d met before, but he was pretty sure she was the most beautiful human he’d ever seen. She was young, he thought, but then again he wasn’t even sure how old  _ he _ was.

Kylo, that’s what she called him. It was odd that he felt no connection to the name. Surely he should be feeling a familiarity with it? One thing was clear—whoever he was, he was a textbook over-thinker.

“All done.” Rey’s voice cut through his restless thoughts. He decided he really liked the sound of it, clear and crisp yet delicate at the same time. “You were a trooper, but I guess I’m not surprised… big guy like you.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s no problem. I’m always stitching myself back up—part of being a scavenger.”

“No,” he started, reaching out to touch her arm. “Thank you for everything. For saving me, for not leaving me to die.”

She swallowed thickly, eyes wide. “Well, it was the right thing to do.”

“Still… you didn’t have to.”

“No, I suppose I didn’t.” She took a moment to wipe the hair back from his forehead, and he caught something that looked startlingly like affection on her features. Whoever he was, he didn’t think he deserved it. Especially not from her. “Listen, I’m glad you’re awake, but I’ve already fallen behind on my day. I need to go out for a few hours. Will you be okay?”

“I think so, I just—” he paused, feeling uncomfortable about what he needed to ask her.

“What?”

“I need to pee.”

“Oh!” Rey zoomed around the small area—what kind of dwelling was this anyway? It was awfully cramped. “Here.” She produced a bucket and held it down near his groin. “I’ll hold it still but I promise I’ll keep my eyes closed.

“Um, thanks.” He pushed himself onto his side and fiddled with his underwear until he was able to free himself enough. “Can you move it a little to the left?”

She obliged, one hand over her eyes and the other holding the bucket steady as he relieved himself as best he could. Fuck, this was embarrassing.

When he had finished, he tucked himself back in his dirty underwear and frowned at the state of his clothes. 

“I’ll uh—work on finding you something to wear. And I’ve got at least one leg almost ready to go.”

“What?” He felt his brow wrinkle in confusion and noticed the tension of the stitches on his right side. Best to keep his expression neutral until it healed.

“Oh, I’ve been collecting spare parts for you.” She motioned to what looked like a small junk heap in the corner. He now noticed they were mostly droid parts. 

“Rey…” His lip quivered with unspoken emotion.

She shrugged and made for the exit. “I’ll just go dump this.”

When she came back she left the bucket next to the table he was resting on. She grabbed the pillow from her hammock and motioned for him to rise a bit so she could place it beneath his head atop the other threadbare pillow he was already using.

“I’ll be gone most of the day, but I’ll be back at dinner time. I’m sorry there’s nothing for you to do, but hopefully we’ll get you mobile again soon.”

He nodded as he watched her go into the bright mid-morning sun. This world was hot and dry, unforgiving—at least from what he could tell from his limited vantage point. He wondered where he had come from and why he’d landed here.

Kylo (it still felt weird) looked around the meager surroundings. He knew he should probably try to go back to sleep, but his mind was still racing with questions. He noticed the small flower on the tiny table where it was likely Rey took her meals. There were some plates, utensils, and a cooking device nearby. Then his eye landed on the wall opposite him. Scratches. Thousands of them covered the metal interior. 

Was she marking the days spent here? Did she come from somewhere else as well? And the question he couldn’t fathom the answer to—was she alone?

He had only been awake a matter of hours, but he had nearly a week’s worth of dreams about her. He couldn’t imagine anyone leaving Rey behind willingly. She seemed like the epitome of all that was good. No, whoever she called family had to be dead. Otherwise, why hadn’t they found her? Why would they leave her here in this barren wasteland?

Eventually he grew tired of cataloging the space with his one good eye. He shuffled around as best he could, trying to get comfortable on the makeshift bed. It was really more like a table, but even she didn’t sleep in a real bed, he noticed. The tiny hammock strung in the corner of the room was where he’d seen her come from.

He frowned. Already he had decided she deserved better than this life. He drifted off and eventually succumbed to dreams. This time it was Rey in the heart of an old Star Destroyer, stripping off pieces she considered valuable. She found something small and round in an old control room, looking particularly pleased with herself. 

* * *

When Kylo awoke, it was to the smell of something sizzling on the hot plate. It wasn’t a particularly appetizing scent, but his mouth watered anyway, realizing he hadn’t eaten in such a long time. He looked over to see Rey flipping over something green and wobbly on the cooking surface, presumably to sear the other side.

He watched with rapt fascination as she poured some powder into a bowl of water and a small, round loaf of bread rose instantly from the mixture. 

She looked up as if she sensed him watching her. “Dinner,” she summarized. “It’s not much, but it’s what I’ve got. I’m sure you’re used to fancier food.”

He smiled. “I don’t remember what I’m used to.”

“Right,” she replied, wincing slightly. “Well that’s probably for the best.”

She divided the small portion of green stuff into two and ripped the bread in half before putting them onto different plates. She then came over and moved the table he was on up against the wall. 

He knew he weighed a lot less than he used to, having overall less mass, but he was still momentarily stunned by her strength. 

“Can you move to sitting?”

He nodded and slowly pushed up with his one arm, using the metal wall for leverage. Rey situated the pillows behind him until he actually found himself rather comfortable. 

“How’s that?” she asked with a grin. 

“Better.” He attempted a smile in return. 

She handed him a plate. He looked at the small portion and felt guilty taking up her rather confined space, using her already meager rations. “Dig in.”

“Thanks.” He bit into the green stuff. It had a strange consistency and texture but it was mostly edible. He made a noise of contentment for her benefit. 

“Don’t do that.”

He looked over to where she was sitting. “Do what?”

“Pretend you like it—for my sake.” She shoved the rest of her own portion in her mouth and continued talking with her mouth full. “You may not remember where you come from but I can tell you had money.”

Kylo smiled again forcing himself to swallow another bite of the food. She was adorable. “How so?”

“Clear skin. Clean hair. I mean besides the missing limbs and flaming ship, you looked like a kriffing prince.”

“What about you?” he countered. 

“What  _ about _ me?” she mumbled around a mouthful of bread. 

“You’re far too pretty to be a lowly desert scavenger.”

Rey blushed, covering by taking a gulp from her canteen. “I was left here when I was very young. I figure it must have been a mistake or to keep me safe from something.” She shrugged. “My family will be back one day.”

Kylo’s eyes fell to his lap. “How old were you?”

“I think about five.”

He was incredulous. “And you still think they’re coming back? What if they’re—”

“What, dead?” A flash of rage took over her face, and he saw the darker depths she possessed. “I’ve thought about it, but I feel there’s something else out there. Maybe it’s naive, I don’t know.”

“It’s not naive to have hope,” he replied, feeling thoroughly chastised. 

She noticed he had finished eating and smirked. “What’d you think?”

“Not bad.”

“Liar.” She took his plate. “Well, get used to it. It’s all I have.”

* * *

Now that Kylo had regained consciousness, he found sleep somewhat elusive. Maybe he’d always been this way. It was early morning, he surmised, seeing the black change to blue through the small opening in Rey’s dwelling. He turned as much as he was able to look for her in the darkness. 

She was still asleep in her hammock, one leg dangling over the edge. He smiled. As tough as her exterior was, there was still a childlike innocence to Rey in many ways that made him feel at ease. Only someone with a good heart would have rescued him.

Some brief flashes had been coming to him. Nothing clear, only an amalgamation of light and color manifesting in his dreams—but still, it was something. Maybe in time he’d regain his memories. He was starting to drift off again when the sunlight shone across his one eye. He blinked and held his hand up, trying to shelter what was left of his sight from the brightness. 

In an effort to escape it, he turned his head and saw Rey changing in the corner. She was just starting to wrap the band she wore around her chest, and he caught just a glimpse of the side of her breast before it was covered with the material. He gulped and turned his gaze back to the ceiling, trying to forget the expanse of tanned skin he’d seen.

He heard more movement from her and closed his eyes in an effort to feign sleep. The last thing he needed was for her to feel uncomfortable around him and lose the temporary sanctuary he’d found. The truth was, he needed her.

“Kylo,” she said softly. “Are you awake?”

He blinked slowly, certain she could see right through his ruse. “I am now.”

“Sorry, I’m not used to having people around.”

Great, so she was apologizing to him? He felt even worse. “Don’t worry about it. I think I’ve slept enough by this point. I just feel so… useless.”

“I know. I can’t imagine what it must be like for you.” She frowned and touched his arm. He tried not to revel in how good it felt simply to be touched. “I’ve been working on it, though. I might have a surprise for you today.”

He brightened a little at that. “Yeah?”

“Well, I don’t want to tell you yet in case it doesn’t work out. That’s why it’s a surprise.”

He nodded and propped himself up against the wall. “Okay. I trust you.”

Her nose wrinkled in the cutest way. “You do?”

Kylo let out a harrowing sigh. “Rey, I don’t know if you’ve noticed this but—I have no idea who I am or where I come from. And I’m mostly helpless without someone’s assistance. You’re kind of my whole world right now.”

“Oh.”

“I trust you because I have no other choice.”

She nodded and turned to walk away, but he caught her wrist in his grip. 

“But even if I did have a choice, I’d still choose to trust you. That part is more instinctive, if I’m being honest.”

She smiled. “Well, for what it’s worth, I trust you, too.”

His brow furrowed. “You don’t even know me.”

Rey leaned in and his breath caught, thinking for the briefest moment that she might kiss him—if only on the cheek. She touched his jaw lightly with her fingers. “Hmm, that’s where I think you’re wrong.”

He watched her slide her goggles over her head and depart into the hot Jakku sun. At least now he had something to look forward to today.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! As I'm sure most of you know by now (those that follow me on twitter, anyway), I've had a rough time recovering from TROS. I wrote a [fix-it fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22094350), which helped in the healing process, but it took me a bit to get back into this universe.
> 
> I've added a projected chapter count, but it's likely to increase at some point. Now that I've seen TROS, I'm anticipating that this story will span the whole trilogy so I can write it my way. Many thanks to obsessivepropulsive, my illustrious beta!
> 
> Also many thanks to Jason Fry for writing Rey's Survival Guide, which has been an invaluable resource when writing about Jakku.

Since Kylo was taking up so much space in the one room Rey normally used, she relocated her workbench and some of her spare parts to the upper troop deck of the AT-AT. It made sense to have a separate space in case either of them needed privacy. 

Like now, as she worked on his new leg. She had soldered together the foot and lower leg from a larger droid limb she’d salvaged. The top piece of it happened to be from an old prosthetic she’d been lucky enough to find on her last trip to the Graveyard. It was pretty nice, too. Must have been Imperial tech.

She tested it once more—it was ready.

He had been napping in the other room when she returned from scavenging, so she had set straight to work on the leg. She wanted to show it to him before dinner. It had been a long time since she’d been this excited about anything.

“Kylo?” she called as she walked into the other room, the prosthetic hidden behind her back.

“Yes?” he turned his head from where he sat on his makeshift bed. It appeared that in the time she’d been working he had woken up from his nap and was now staring intently at her wall of marks. She tried not to let it bother her, especially since he hadn’t brought it up again.

“I have your surprise.”

He smiled, and she realized it was the first time she’d seen him do so. His whole face lit up—she felt that strange flutter in her stomach again. “I’m ready.”

Without further ado, she presented the prosthetic leg to him. “It’s the left one first, since I figured—I mean, you still have your right arm, so…”

“Balance,” he surmised, his dark eye sparkling.

“Yes.”

He started to get a bit teary. “Rey, it’s wonderful.”

“Don’t go thanking me yet. We don’t even know if it will work. Let’s try it on first, shall we?”

She carefully fit the sleeve to his leg and then popped the leg into place. He braced himself on her shoulders as he rose to stand on it. He wobbled as he stood, and she had to place her hands on his bare chest to prevent him from toppling over.

“Whoa there. Steady.”

He huffed, and she felt his muscles move underneath her hand. “Feels strange after being immobile so long.”

“I’ll bet.” She grabbed a metal crutch from against the wall. She’d had to use it a long time ago after she sprained her ankle in Kelvin Ravine. “This should help until I can fix up another leg for you.”

She helped position it under his right arm and let him take several steps around the room before helping him back to bed.

“I can walk again.” His voice sounded thick with emotion, and Rey tried not to well up herself. “How can I ever thank you?”

“Well, once you’re fully functional again, I’ll teach you how to scavenge. It’s only fair you earn your keep around here.” She smiled.

He nodded. “Absolutely.”

“I’m going to get dinner started. Don’t go anywhere with your fancy new leg.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

* * *

It had been another two weeks and Kylo was doing well with his leg. After bugging her incessantly, she finally let him help clean some of her salvaged parts. She always did a cursory cleaning before bringing them to the Outpost for a harder scrub—Unkar charged outrageous fees to use the washing tables. 

Kylo seemed to feel better with something to do. She noticed when he felt useless, he got irritated more easily. Sometimes he’d turn red in what she assumed was an attempt to try to contain his temper, which she absolutely did not think was cute in any way.

His memories still hadn’t returned. She felt him growing frustrated about that, too. It was like she was beginning to anticipate his moods, which was strange indeed. She hadn’t worked up the courage to ask him about the item she found in his ship, so she kept it stored away in a box. She wasn’t sure why, but it felt—important, somehow. 

Next week was her birthday—or at least the day she’d come to recognize as such, for the pure purpose of telling how old she was. She would be seventeen, which meant she’d been on Jakku for twelve full years.  _ Kriff. _

A scavenger’s life could be boring at times, but it also was often fraught with peril. Rey had nearly died countless times and been in even more scrapes. Still, nothing had ever given her the sense of purpose that finding Kylo had. It gave her great satisfaction to take care of him and make sure his needs were being met, even at the expense of her own. Was this what having a family was like?

“Hey,” came a voice behind her.

She startled a bit and quickly removed the Rebel helmet that she’d had on. Now that Kylo could walk again, he could also sneak up on her. “Hey, I left you some bread.”

She was sitting in the sand up against the foot of the AT-AT watching the sun climb into the sky. Usually, Rey would already be out on the dunes, finding ships to salvage, but she felt like taking her time this morning. She tried to deny the inner voice that told her it was because Kylo wasn’t awake yet.

“Thanks, I ate it already. I figured you had already gone.” He balanced on his crutch so he could lift a hand to rake through his hair. The part on the side that had been singed off was growing back in nicely. 

“I’m being lazy this morning—I’ll leave soon.” She squinted through the bright sunshine to look at him more closely. “Your hair needs to be washed.”

Kylo shrugged as best he could and stared at his new metal foot. “You don’t have a ‘fresher.” She’d been helping him with sponge baths here and there, but now that he was more mobile, it didn’t seem prudent for her to keep helping him anymore. Especially when she’d blush at the sight of his chest.

“I’ll get some extra water and do it for you. Maybe tonight.” Rey grabbed her helmet and pushed herself up to standing. “I left out the carbon chisel so you can see if you can remove the scoring from that fuel pipe.”

He nodded as she breezed past him and went back inside to grab her gear. She hastily packed up her things, mentally chastising herself for wasting so much time waiting for him to wake up. What did it matter if she got to see him before she left? She should be out there finding more valuable parts so they could both keep eating. 

Kylo was leaning against the belly of the walker when she came back out. Now that he had more suitable clothes—thanks to the trip she’d made to the Outpost to get him something  _ not black _ —he ventured outside more often. He had on beige lightweight pants and a loose cream tunic that covered a tighter undershirt, much like her shirt and wraps. Once she got him another working leg, this outfit would be more appropriate for scavenging.

“Good luck today,” he mumbled as she shouldered her staff and headed for her speeder.

She turned back to look at him and managed a weak smile. “Thanks. I’ll see you before sunset.”

He nodded, and she took off, wondering what the sinking sensation in her stomach could be.

* * *

Rey was nearly out of water and knew she needed to leave soon. She always left about ninety minutes before she thought she should, just so she could be sure to not die from heat exhaustion. That was the biggest enemy of a scavenger living on Jakku—the intense heat. She’d witnessed too many of her peers not come back one day. No part was worth her life. Even more so now that she had Kylo to think about, too.

She was currently deep in the hull of a blockade runner, trying to pry out a power cell when she spotted it—a scrap of supple leather, probably from an old uniform. Once she had dislodged the power cell, she reached for the fabric, gently tugging it free from the panel it had been caught in. It was a nice size and she imagined fashioning a rather handsome eyepatch for Kylo out of it. It would work well enough to shield him from the sun until she could work on the eye that she had squirreled away for him.

She stuffed the leather in her bag and started the steep climb out of the wreckage. 

When she returned home, she recognized the familiar scent of veg-meat cooking. She raced inside to see Kylo at the hot plate, carefully turning over the portion to let it heat on the other side. “What are you doing?”

He looked up, a tight grin on his face, and something in her chest tightened. “I thought it might be nice if I had dinner ready for you when you got back.”

She hadn’t unloaded the larger pieces from today’s finds off of her speeder yet, but she took her smaller bag and set it down by the door. Then she noticed the room—it had been picked up and rearranged, all the items that she still needed to bring to the Blobfish were in neat piles according to how much they still needed to be cleaned. There was even a little more room to move around.

Rey looked all around the room with wide eyes, unsure of whether to be thankful or upset. “You’ve been busy.”

Kylo winced. “I didn’t touch the other room, I swear. I just wanted to do something nice because you’ve done  _ so much _ for me.”

Of course he did. How could she be mad about that? Even if it was a little weird to have someone reorganize all her things. “Thank you,” she whispered, the words feeling foreign on her tongue.

He handed her a plate with a quarter portion and half a polystarch loaf. “Now, eat. You must be starving.”

She looked down at her plate and then over to him, where he was preparing his own food. “Should we—together?” She motioned with her plate.

He smiled again. She could get used to that look on him. “I cleared an area, if you want to sit with me.”

She nodded and pulled her stool over to sit beside him as he lifted himself back onto his makeshift bed. They ate in relative silence, Rey wolfing hers down before Kylo had even half finished. She noticed him watching her as she licked her fingers clean. “What?”

He shook his head, but the corners of his mouth turned up in another approximation of a smile. It was almost disconcerting how happy he seemed. “Nothing.”

She shrugged and waited for him to finish before taking both their plates away. Feeling like she ought to return the favor—which was really not necessary, seeing as she’d already given him food and shelter—Rey took a deep breath and asked, “So, should we wash your hair tonight?” 

He looked shocked for a moment. Then cautiously asked, “Can you spare the water?”

“Yeah, I’ve got a bit extra. And I’ll be able to get more soon.”

“Okay then.”

She let Kylo ease himself down on his table-bed until his head was half hanging off. Then she grabbed the spare bucket and placed it underneath to catch runoff. Slowly, sparingly, she poured some water directly from one of her plastic jugs onto his hair. He let out a low grumble of appreciation that gave Rey the shivers.  _ Calm down, you’re just helping your—friend? Houseguest? _ Stars, she still didn’t even really  _ know _ him. 

Until he recovered his memories, he was pretty much a blank slate. But he had proven himself to be useful and thoughtful so far. The least she could do was offer him the same consideration. She just needed to be wary of the connection she felt to him. It wasn’t a feeling she was used to, and she was scared of getting in over her head too quickly. She had been alone too long to be dependent on anyone else for anything.

Once his hair was wet enough she used the little bar of soap she usually brought with her to the Outpost to lather up. As she worked the suds into his silken strands, she was amazed by how soft they felt. His lashes would flutter every now and again, but other than that, he made no further movements or sound as she massaged his scalp. Up this close, she could see every mole on his face. He’d gotten a little tanner since being on Jakku, but he was still rather pale compared to her.

Rey sighed as she finished rinsing out the soap and grabbed a towel to dry him off. She didn’t want to admit just how much she’d enjoyed that. She cleared her throat. “All done.”

Kylo blinked his eyes open and slowly sat up. “Thank you. That felt so good. I know I can’t remember much of anything right now, but I don’t think anyone’s done something like that for me in a long time.”

His eyes were so appreciative and sincere that it melted her a little. She needed to get away from him before she did or said something stupid. “Y-you’re welcome,” she stammered and made a beeline for the other room, grabbing her bag on the way.

When she finally felt the safety of being away from Kylo’s gaze, she withdrew the leather from her bag and set it down on the workbench. She worked past her normal bedtime, fashioning it into a suitable eyepatch. 

Rey ventured back out into the main room and got in her hammock to sleep. Kylo was breathing heavily, which meant he was already deep in slumber. She wondered if having his hair washed had soothed him somewhat, since he normally took a long time to fall asleep—just like her. She thought about the eyepatch again as she drifted off as well. She couldn’t wait to give it to him tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

Kylo had been having dreams—he suspected that they were memories trying to come back. They were always fuzzy and he couldn’t remember much upon waking, but he took it as a good sign. Maybe once he remembered more about who he was or where he came from, he could be of more help to Rey.

Or get out of her hair altogether. He wasn’t sure why that option made his insides twist.

This morning he had woken up from visions of a brunette woman, distorted as if he was looking at her through a curtain of water. From what he could tell, she was very pretty. He thought maybe it was his mother. She was clothed in white and seemed to be smiling.

He hoped he would see her again soon. There was something about her presence that comforted him. Not being able to remember anything about himself or his past was unnerving, and the longer he went on without recovering the memories, the more helpless he felt. Though he couldn’t help but wonder what had caused the memory loss.

Rey was amazing—and very adept at healing—but he highly doubted she would’ve been able to save him from a serious head injury with nothing but bacta patches and hope. Kylo surmised that the problem must lie within his own mind.

He was absently scrubbing at a sensor array when the thought came to him. Maybe if he tried pushing on that barrier again, tried to meditate, it could help. He was mostly done with his tasks, anyway. It always gave him a sense of satisfaction when Rey returned home and was impressed with the work he’d done. She always said he saved her time and money at the washing tables, which meant more portions for them.

Somehow, someday, he’d find a way to repay her for her unrelenting kindness.

For now, until she could scrounge up some more limbs for him, he contented himself to keeping busy by cleaning the parts. He sighed and blew on a divot to disperse the dirt he’d loosened before setting the hunk of durasteel back down. That was his big project for the day and Rey wouldn’t be back for several hours yet.

He grabbed his crutch and lifted himself up from the workbench. His bed was still very much a table, so during the day he’d fold his linens and put them to the side in order to work. It surprised him at first, how many spare blankets Rey had—this was a desert planet after all—but then he experienced night on Jakku. It could get quite cold after the sun went down.

He hobbled over to the door, which previously served as an escape hatch back when this AT-AT was upright. He adjusted his eye patch before going out into the bright sunlight. When Rey had given it to him, she explained the importance of keeping his socket in good condition for the new eye she was working on getting him. She had been so excited as she helped him tie it. He still shuddered at her touch, however innocent it might be. He could never divulge just how much he’d started to crave it.

He really didn’t deserve such treatment. Rey was like an angel.  _ Funny, where did that concept come from? _ Random knowledge would pop into his head and the strangest times, though he couldn’t remember where he learned it. 

Kylo maneuvered through the sand as he wound his way around the legs of the fallen walker to sit at his favorite spot—right up against the foot. He knew Rey liked to come out here, too, when it was nice enough. He’d been practicing using the crutch and his new leg around the perimeter of her home. Trying to build up strength and get used to it. He was getting better all the time.

He backed up against the warm metal, shaded more on this side because of the angle, and slowly slid himself down into a sitting position, taking care to keep his crutch within reach. Once he was comfortable, he closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He wasn’t sure where he had learned how to meditate—all he knew was that it was something he did. He reached inside his mind and felt the same barrier again. This time, he pushed up against it hard, trying to find a weakness. It still was immovable.

Somehow, he had a feeling that this wall was of his own making, and if he could just find a way to break it, all his memories would come flooding back. But that also scared him. If he really  _ had _ blocked it off, maybe whatever he knew, whatever he had  _ seen _ was terrible enough to bury deep. Maybe he was better off not knowing. Besides, life with Rey wasn’t bad. Sure, she was waiting on a family that he was pretty sure was long gone. But she was kind and generous.  _ And beautiful, _ his mind supplied.

But no, he wouldn’t think about that. That way lied ruin. Stars, he still didn’t even know how old she was. She carried herself with the grace and strength of someone who’d lived a thousand years, but her face and the childlike innocence she possessed—she had to be quite young still. Not that he even knew how old  _ he _ was. Some days he felt downright ancient, and others it was like he had just started living.

These were the things Kylo knew about himself: he could pilot a TIE fighter, he was some kind of warrior (how else would he have lost his limbs?), and he had his name embroidered into the collar of his tunic, apparently. He knew a few other things, too, though he was less sure  _ how _ he knew them. Things like: he preferred the forest to the ocean or sand, he didn’t like the color orange, and people chewing loudly annoyed him—though when Rey did it, it was kind of cute.

Before he knew it, he had been outside for nearly an hour. Rey had taught him how to judge time by the position of the sun in the sky. He knew he wasn’t supposed to stay outside for more than thirty minutes at a time. She told him that he would burn more easily because of his pale skin. “Kriff,” he grumbled as he reached for his crutch.

* * *

When Rey returned that evening for dinner, she had a massive haul with her. She unloaded first, bringing the majority of the salvage to the other room since it was so large. She hummed a little tune to herself as she checked the little potted spinebarrel to see if it needed watering.

Kylo watched her as she moved about. He had taken a short nap, and she told him not to bother getting up when she came in. She’d been teaching him things about Jakku here and there—the plantlife, the different beings that inhabited the planet, what to watch out for. He’d even experienced X'us'R'iia once for himself, which had been frightening to say the least.

Rey was wearing a little grin. She didn’t smile often, but when she did, it was like the rising sun. “You seem like you’re in a good mood,” he observed.

She stopped in the midst of opening their nightly portion, blushing slightly. He loved that rush of color on her cheeks, the way it highlighted her freckles. “Oh. Today is the day I usually celebrate my birthday.”

It was—and she didn’t say anything? It’s not like he could’ve gotten her anything, anyway. He was stuck here in her home, with nothing to his name. Still… he would’ve at least prepared their meal. His voice cracked a little as he said, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

She shrugged. “I’ve never had anyone to tell before, so I didn’t think about it.” She placed the veg-meat onto the hot plate, letting it sizzle a moment before continuing. “I’m seventeen now—or at least by my estimate.”

Seventeen. Yes, she was quite young. Kylo swallowed and sat up straighter. “Happy Birthday, Rey.”

Her smile grew impossibly wide, her white teeth shining in the low light of the room. “Thank you.”

* * *

The next day while Rey was out trading the parts he’d cleaned for more portions, Kylo set about the AT-AT, looking for things he could use. There was a bit of scrap wire, too short to be used for anything, as well as the leftover leather she didn’t use for his eye patch. He fumbled through a box he’d often left untouched, containing little bits and baubles—a scavenger never threw anything away. Eventually he found a round piece of glass, its surface smoothed over the years by the harsh sands.

_ Yes, this will do. _

He sat down at his worktable, using the sharp knife from her toolkit to shred the leather into thin strips. Painstakingly, using a rock to anchor the material, he braided it into a long length and tied the ends to make it adjustable. He knew an overly long necklace would get in the way when she was dangling in the center of a star destroyer. Then he used the wire to wrap around the piece of glass and made a loop at the top so it would work as a pendant. When he was done, he sat back to admire his handiwork. It wasn’t silver and gemstone, but he thought Rey would appreciate it all the same.

He managed to find a clean rag and a length of cord so he could properly wrap the gift. At least he knew that wherever he came from, it was customary to wrap birthday gifts for people. When Rey came home that evening, he was mixing the polystarch powder already. 

“You got dinner ready.” She smiled. He thought she preferred doing it herself, but this reaction made him think maybe he should do this more often.

After they ate, he presented her with the gift. “Sorry it’s a day late, but I didn’t have advanced notice, so you can’t hold it against me.”

“What’s this?” She tentatively took the parcel from him, staring at it in wonderment.

“It’s a birthday gift. Open it.”

Rey just stared at him in stunned silence for several moments. He was starting to get worried that he’d made a mistake somehow when he noticed her lower lip tremble, as if she were trying not to cry. Her voice was small when she said, “No one’s ever given me a gift before.”

His heart broke a little. He couldn’t remember his own childhood, but surely he had gotten gifts. How else would he have known to give her one? Kylo didn’t say anything, preferring to watch intently as she slowly untied the cord and opened the rag. Her eyes lit up as she dangled the necklace by her pointer finger, inspecting it from all sides.

“Kylo, it’s beautiful.”

He ran his hand through his hair. “It’s not much, just something I threw together out of things lying around.”

She fingered the glass of the pendant. “I found this little bit of glass the first time I went out scavenging on my own. I kept it as a reminder that I could do anything I put my mind to. I’m so happy I can wear it now.” 

She turned to him and he could see a tear in her eye just waiting to spill over. But it didn’t get the chance because she threw herself at him, enveloping him in possibly the fiercest hug he’d imagined he’d ever received.

“Thank you so much,” she whispered against the shell of his ear. He tried not to shiver.

“You’ve given me more than you’ll ever know,” he mumbled into her hair. “It was really the least I could do.”

She pulled back and looked into his eyes. In this light, the bit of green stood out more amidst the hazel. “How did you do this with only one arm?”

He smirked. “It took me all day. Sorry I didn’t clean much.”

“Don’t apologize.” She put on the necklace and adjusted it so the glass was right between her collarbones. “How does it look?”

He took in her golden skin, the milky opaqueness of the glass standing out against it. The dark brown leather matched his eyepatch and a thrill of possessiveness ran through him. When she was out among others, she’d have a piece of him with her. 

“Beautiful,” he replied, unable to say more than that.

* * *

Over the next few days, Kylo saw the brunette woman more and more in his dreams. Sometimes she was still blurry, but others she’d be a bit more clear. She carried herself with a sort of regal grace and exuded warmth. He’d also started seeing a man. His brown hair maybe a shade lighter than the woman and always just a little messy. He seemed to grin a lot and crouched down to greet what must have been a youngling version of Kylo.

“Ben!” he shouted with a big smile on his face.

Kylo woke up in a cold sweat. The sun hadn’t risen yet, and Rey was softly snoring in her hammock, one arm dangling off the side. He didn’t want to wake her, and any movement he might make would certainly do that. He laid back and closed his eyes again, trying to conjure up a clearer image of the man—his father.

Eventually he fell back asleep, but had no more dreams.

When he awoke next, it was to the sight of Rey gently nudging his arm. She had already put her hair up in her customary three buns—she only took it down to sleep and he relished those few moments of seeing it like that. “Kylo, wake up. Change of plans for today.”

Still in the haze of sleepiness, he reached up and fingered a loose tendril by her face. She froze. He immediately realized the intimacy of the action and promptly woke up fully. “Sorry,” he stammered. “Didn’t sleep well, wasn’t thinking.”

She sucked in a quick intake of breath and glanced briefly at his lips before straightening. “That’s okay. Are you up for a trip into Niima?”

Kylo blinked a few times. Rey had never once asked him if he wanted to leave her home. He wasn’t completely sure why, but he’d begun to understand that she didn’t trust anyone on Jakku. “Trusting people only leads to trouble,” she’d say. 

“Are you sure?” he asked. The prospect of being somewhere other than the AT-AT both excited and terrified him. He hadn’t been anywhere else since he crash landed here. 

She nodded. “I have more trades to make, but I also need to see someone about this.” She presented him with a right leg, the majority of it shiny blue chrome. “I can’t get it to work right.”

Kylo’s eyes widened. “Rey, it’s—”

She cut him off, her voice trembling. “Truth is I’m scared to take you to Niima. You’ll stand out for sure and people are very suspicious of spacers. If anyone knows that you’re staying with me, it’ll bring more attention. I usually keep to myself.” 

He nodded, waiting for her to continue. 

“Plus these parts I’ve been using on you—they’re valuable. Someone could try to jump you to take them. I wanted to keep you safe, keep you here if I could help it, but this leg…”

“Rey,” he started tilting her chin up. A lone tear trickled down her cheek, and he wiped it away with his thumb. “It’s okay. It will be fine. I can handle it.”

“Look, I know you must have been big and strong before but Unkar’s thugs are not easily intimidated and if something happened to you—I don’t think I could forgive myself.”

Despite her distress, Kylo’s heart swelled from her obvious concern. She cared about him. “I will try to keep my head down as best as I can, I promise. But I’m never going to be able to pull my weight around here if I don’t have two working legs.”

“I know.” She sighed. “That’s why this is so important.”

“Then let’s go.”

They quickly ate some bread before getting onto the speeder. Rey loaded his crutch and the leg into her cargo net. Then she hesitated before getting into the seat. “I modified the seat slightly because I figured you’d have to join me at some point. There wasn’t much room for improvement, but hopefully this is okay for now.”

Kylo eyed it warily. It didn’t look much different than before. The seat was just a bit wider and maybe longer.

“You’ll have to sit behind me,” she said.

“Okay.” He watched as Rey hopped up with ease and then offered her hand to help him up. It amazed him how easily she pulled him up, almost as if an invisible current of  _ something _ helped displace his weight.

She then stood so he could adjust himself in the seat—and proceeded to sit right up against his chest. He gasped at the sensation of her warm body pressed right up against his and prayed to whatever deity he might have once believed in that he wouldn’t get hard right now.

“Are you comfortable?” Did he imagine that she was a little breathless?

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he mumbled practically in her ear.

“Hold on tight,” she cautioned, so he wrapped his right arm around her torso. This was the most physical contact they’d ever had, but he knew it was necessary. And if he relaxed into the feeling of their bodies pressed together, who could blame him?

Rey’s speeder was fast. He could barely catch his breath as she raced over the dunes—and every inhale was all Rey—sand and sunshine and something slightly citrusy that was just her. Once he was able to help scavenge, he’d have to get his own speeder if he was going to stick around. Because this was tantamount to torture.

When they disembarked at Niima Outpost, she made him stoop so she could pull his wraps a little tighter. He wasn’t sure what Rey was worried about, with the facial hair that had grown in and the leather eyepatch, he was sure no one would want to bother him. But then again, he didn’t know the people here like she did. 

“Alright. Stay with the speeder while I go see the Blobfish. I’ll come back for you before we go to our next place. Don’t talk to anyone.”

Kylo nodded and propped himself up against the parked speeder, trying to look as menacing as possible with only one leg. He kept his eyes on Rey as she pulled her haul to the washing tables first, scrubbing off the dirt and grime that he couldn’t get with her limited tools back home. Then he watched her talk to Unkar Plutt, a large, grubby being—he understood now why she called him the Blobfish.

Her face lit up when he passed her the portions, and she stowed them carefully in her bag before making her way back to him. “Ten portions!” she exclaimed in a whisper-shout. “That was a good haul.”

He couldn’t help but smile at her excitement, though he had no idea what the conversion rate of parts to portions was. Maybe it just depended on Unkar’s mood. “I’m glad.”

“Grab your crutch,” she ordered, taking out the chrome leg. “Stay close to me.”

She wandered through the array of people haggling and charging their parts till they came upon a short, old human. He was withered and bronzed from many years in the Jakku sun, his hair mostly white, with a pair of goggles perched atop his head. “Rey,” he greeted her in a cheery voice.

“Lerux Talley, this is my friend Kylo.”

Kylo inclined his head. “Hello.”

Lerux grunted. “He looks a bit like a Core-worlder, too. Takes one to know one.”

Rey rolled her eyes and showed him the leg. “I was wondering if you could help me with this. I tried tinkering with the control panel myself but I couldn’t get it to boot up.”

“Hmmm, yes, let me see.” He inspected the leg closely. He pulled open a panel on the calf and looked at it closely. “I see what the issue is, and I can definitely fix it for you. Shall we work out a price?”

Kylo watched in awe as Rey haggled with the man and wound up turning over some non-working parts that the Blobfish hadn’t taken. He knew she’d rather give up salvage than portions, so it was technically a win-win. Lerux Talley had the right equipment to rewire the leg and soon they were sitting him down to try it on.

“This is fancier than the other leg you’ve got so it might take awhile to get used to,” Rey cautioned.

“Where did you find this one?” Lerux asked. “I knew you were a great scavenger, Rey, but I never saw you salvage a human before.” He chuckled to himself as he tinkered with the chrome and suddenly a whirring was heard from inside, little lights on the exterior blinking to life. 

“Just lucky I guess.” She scrunched up her nose.

“Fine. Don’t tell me then,” Lerux said. 

Kylo felt heat at first and then a tension as the sensors in the leg connected with his nervous system. “Oh,” he breathed.

“Why don’t you try walking, kid?” Hearing the old man call him “kid” jarred something in his subconscious, but he was too overstimulated to search it thoroughly.

He rose, using his crutch for support and tried to take a couple tentative steps. The right leg was much more intuitive than the left and he wobbled a bit as he tried to concentrate. But soon enough, he acclimated to the feeling and was walking normally. The corners of his mouth tilted up as he turned around to face Rey.

She was beaming. “It works!”

“So it does,” Lerux mused. “This is impressive work, Rey. Both of the legs. If you ever get tired of scavenging and want to take up my post as tinkerer—”

She laughed. “Thanks but no thanks. You know I’m not gonna be here forever.”

Lerux frowned. “You’ve been saying that for years.”

“Yes, well... it’s still true.”

The old man wisely said no more as Rey and Kylo left. He noticed a Teedo eyeing her speeder as they got close, but the moment he tried to touch it, he was zapped back several feet. Kylo chuckled.

Rey turned to him. “Kriffing Teedos.” She shook her head. “Dare I say that went well?”

“I told you there was nothing to worry about.”

“Hmph.” Rey looked around as they mounted the speeder once more.

Kylo followed her gaze and realized several pairs of eyes watched them, especially his shiny new leg. They had garnered  _ some _ attention, at least. He’d have to keep an eye out. 

* * *

That night Kylo’s dreams took a turn for the dark. He saw the man and woman again but this time they were arguing. About him.

“I’m scared, Han. What if he takes after Vader? We should send him to Luke.”

“The boy wants to be a pilot, Leia. Not a fucking Jedi!”

“But his powers are getting stronger all the time! I’m not trained enough in the Force to know how to deal with this.”

“Give him some more time, maybe he’ll grow out of it.”

“Oh like you’re ever home to see! You keep taking these jobs when you should be home with me and Ben!”

In the dream, Kylo—or maybe it was Ben—was still small. He was crying outside the door, listening to his parents argue. He found a corner and cried, rocking back and forth with his hands over his ears.

A voice inside his head whispered to him.  _ They don’t know what to do with you. They think you’re a monster. But I could show you where you belong. _

“No!” he yelled, scared of the voice that tried to sink its sharp claws into his mind. It seemed like it was always there, beckoning from the shadows, no matter what he did. He screamed louder and louder until finally his parents burst forth from the room rushing to his side.

“Ben! It’s okay. I’m sorry, sweetheart.” His mother gathered him in her arms and let him cry. 

He was crying so long and hard, he didn’t know how to stop. Suddenly he was being shaken. Someone was calling for him. “Kylo, wake up. Kylo!”

His eyes opened wide. Rey was shaking him awake. On instinct he grabbed her arm. He was disoriented, shaking, his face cold from the tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Shh,” she whispered, smoothing the hair back from his face. “It’s okay, Kylo. You were having a nightmare.”

“Ben,” he murmured.

Rey stilled, looking at him in confusion.

He took a deep breath, drawing on the memory he’d just relived. “My name is Ben.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to *try* to update this story every other week, but I don't have anything written ahead so we'll see how that goes. Next tentative update is 2/18/20.
> 
> Thanks to [obsessivepropulsive](https://twitter.com/obsessivepro) for the beta!
> 
> [X'us'R'iia](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/X%27us%27R%27iia)
> 
> [Lerux Talley](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Lerux_Talley)


	5. Chapter 5

Kylo was moaning and thrashing in his sleep, which woke Rey from her slumber. Actually, it seemed to her like she  _ felt _ his distress before she even woke up—but she knew that didn’t make sense. She hopped out of her hammock and went over to check on him. The left leg was easily removed, so he took it off at bedtime, but the right one—the new one—was still on. The longer he wore it, the more attuned to him it became. 

“No… please…” he murmured, sweat beading on his forehead. He was clearly having some kind of nightmare.

Rey switched on the glow lamp and tried to rouse him gently. She placed her hand on his right arm and squeezed. When that did nothing, she grabbed him by both shoulders and shook him. “Kylo, wake up. Kylo!”

His eyes shot open, and he grabbed her left arm with his hand. 

“Shh,” she tried to soothe him, stroking his hair gently— _stars,_ _it was soft_. “It’s okay, Kylo. You were having a nightmare.”

“Ben,” he uttered.

Knowing he must have been trying to say something else, but it wasn’t coming easily, she stilled and waited for him to continue.

“My name is Ben.”

Had he remembered something? By the sound of it, it wasn’t something good. She furrowed her brow and repeated slowly, “Ben.” It felt better rolling off her tongue, like it suited him. She smiled. “Okay, Ben. I’m going to get you some water. Then you want to tell me what you saw?”

He nodded.

Rey filled a cup with water and brought it back over to him.  _ Ben _ had now pushed himself up to sitting. Instead of handing it to him, she brought the vessel to his lips and tilted so he could drink. Her eyes were drawn to his throat as he swallowed, and it took her a moment to notice he was nodding for her to take it away.

“What did you see?” she asked, cocking her head to the side.

“I think—it was my parents. They were arguing about me. That’s how I heard my name. I don’t remember everything they said, but I definitely remember hearing them say ‘Ben.’”

Rey was intrigued. “And you’re sure it was you?”

He nodded. “It feels right. More right than ‘Kylo’ does, at least.”

“Okay. Did you see anything else?”

“No not really. I heard a voice—a dark voice. He called to me… wanted me to come to him. I felt cold and alone.”

She couldn’t explain it, but it was almost as if she felt the same way. She understood that feeling all too well—it had taken root in her chest, making her ache for another person in a way she never had before. A tear rolled down her cheek unbidden as she whispered, “You’re not alone.”

Ben looked down, and it was only as she traced his line of sight that she realized she was holding his hand. “Neither are you,” he said.

* * *

Rey tossed the coupling into her bag and decided it was time to head back. She hadn’t had a very good haul today, but her mind was preoccupied. Ben had remembered who he was—or at least he was starting to. If more of his memories came back and he remembered what he’d been running from, would he leave?

The thought made her stomach turn. 

It had only been a few months, but she had gotten used to his presence. To not being alone all the time. If he left, she thought it might break her, and the fact that it had gotten that bad scared her. She had spent her whole life not trusting other people, not letting them past her walls. And this strange man comes into her life and upends it all within such a short span of time? Ridiculous.

But then again, she’d never felt this kind of connection with another person before. She was so lost in thought she barely heard the arrival of a steelpecker that suddenly cawed nearby. Where there was one, there were usually more. It was definitely time to go.

She arrived back home to see Ben up and moving on both legs. He was getting better with them all the time. She knew she really should start taking him along with her soon, but she wanted to make sure he had all the recovery time he needed. “How was your day?” she asked him.

“Good! I scrubbed your parts as best as I could and I was just about to heat up dinner.” He smiled, and she felt warm inside.

“Great. I’ll have to make an Outpost run tomorrow then. Did you remember anything else?”

He shook his head. “Not anything big. I feel like I’m right on the edge of something large, but I can’t push past the barrier.” He frowned.

“I know what you mean.”

“Do you want me to come with you tomorrow?” His expression was guarded, and she wasn’t sure what answer he wanted to hear. She had something she wanted to get checked out, though. It was best if she went alone.

“I don’t know—we drew a lot of eyes last time with your new fancy leg. It might be better if you sat this one out.”

Ben nodded. “I understand.”

“I have a new haul of stuff for you to work on, though.” She offered him a weak smile.

“Great.” His voice betrayed no emotion.

Later, as she sat alone in the other room, Rey twirled the cylindrical item she’d found in Ben’s ship around in her hand. She knew she’d have to show him eventually—but what if it jogged another memory? One that took him away from her?

She sucked in a deep breath and carried it out into the other room. Ben was sitting on the edge of his makeshift bed, poring over a datapad she had recently restored. There wasn’t much updated information since it hadn’t been able to connect to the holonet, but there were a ton of old articles and things to sift through.

“Does this look familiar?” she held out the object to him, blackened and sooty, the smaller cross-shaped parts jutting out at the end.

He took it gingerly and turned it over in his hand. “It  _ feels _ familiar.”

Rey watched as he ran his fingers over the grooved metal and his thumb found its way to a switch on the side. She jumped back as a fiery red beam ignited from it, crackling with instability. “That’s—”

“A lightsaber,” he finished and quickly extinguished the blade. “Where did you find it?”

“It was in the ship with you. When you didn’t remember anything, I didn’t want to push you so I kept it aside.”

He looked pensive, but also perhaps a bit worried. It had been a long time since Rey had heard anything about the Jedi, but she recognized that type of weapon as the one they supposedly wielded. She had thought it was all a myth. 

She forged ahead, her curiosity at its peak. “Are you… a Jedi?”

Ben frowned. “I don’t think so, Rey.” She watched as he closed his eyes and pursed his lips, opening them several times before speaking again. “Remember how I said I thought I was dangerous?”

She nodded. “Yes, but—you’ve been so kind to me.” She felt her cheeks warm and hoped he didn’t notice.

“That’s—well, that’s beside the point.” He cleared his throat before continuing, “I don’t know how I got this or why I had it. Hell, it might not even be mine.”

Rey knew her confusion was visible, but Ben didn’t seem to want to elaborate. “Okay...”

“I—” he scratched his head, mussing up his raven hair. “You know, I’m not sure. I don’t remember having this, or how I knew how to turn it on. I just have this gut feeling that this is a bad sign. I might be a bad person, Rey. I might have killed people.”

“Ben,” she reached out, trying not to be offended when he flinched at her touch. She threaded their fingers together. “Sometimes we have to do things we don’t like in order to survive. I’m a scavenger—do you think I’m not familiar with making hard choices?” She didn’t feel like she needed to go into detail, but surely he’d understand.

When he didn’t answer, she squeezed his hand again and his eyes flew to hers. There was  _ something _ there, something she was too frightened to name in case she was wrong.

“If you’re a bad person, then so am I.”

He shook his head over and over, as if he were unwilling to accept this—even without knowing everything yet. She hopped up next to him and cradled his head to her chest. “Shh,” she whispered, rubbing circles into his back in what she hoped was a soothing manner.

Ben began to shake as the tears fell. Rey just held him tighter as he cried into her chest. “I’m scared,” he murmured into her wraps.

The emotion that bloomed in her chest was terrifying. “Me too,” she said.

* * *

Niima Outpost had always been shady, but Rey noticed right away a difference in atmosphere today. There were several new ships parked on the dunes and lots of spacers haggling with Babbajo the Crittermonger for food. After dropping off her haul with the Blobfish—five lousy portions, what a joke—she headed straight for Lerux Talley.

“Rey!” he boomed. “Didn’t think I’d see you again so soon. Does this have to do with your boyfriend?”

“He’s not—doesn’t matter. I have something I need a bit of help with and was wondering if you knew anyone.” She pulled a little bundle from her pack and unwrapped it, revealing a very human-like cybernetic eye.

Lerux whistled. “Wow, are you sure you don’t want to show that to Unkar? I bet that would nab at least thirty portions.”

Rey shushed him and quickly looked around to see if anyone overheard. “I know, okay? But I need to get it working and then uh,  _ installed _ properly.”

“Well, you might be in luck. I heard Sarco Plank talking about one of the spacers, and he mentioned something about cybernetics.”

Rey groaned. “I try to stay away from him.”

“I know. Most people do, but that’s all I know I’m afraid.”

“Fine. Thanks, Lerux.”

He smiled. “Anytime.”

Rey wandered the Outpost until she saw him seated at one of the communal tables. Dressed in his standard crimson robes, Sarco Plank was an intimidating figure. He was a Melitto so he had no eyes or mouth, which was unnerving, and the tubes that emanated from his head didn’t help the aesthetic at all. He wasn’t one of Unkar’s goons, but he was still dangerous—a bounty hunter, from what she’d heard. She wasn’t scared of him, but there were stories of how cruel he could be—it was best not to get involved with someone like that. Now Rey had no choice. This was for Ben.

She approached slowly, trying not to grimace at the way his segmented face plates moved. “Sarco?”

“Who’s asking?” responded the modulated voice from his apparatus.

“Name’s Rey.” She squinted into the sun. “Heard you might know about one of the spacers specializing in cybernetics?”

“Yeah, but information don’t come free.” His tone was gruff. 

She had anticipated that. She pulled something out of her pack and set it on the table. It was an old Imperial blaster. She had no use for it, but had fixed it back to working condition. It wasn’t especially valuable to the Blobfish, but she knew it’d come in handy one day.

He grunted. “This is nice, but I have weapons.”

“Couldn’t you always use another?”

His chitin plates rippled again as he wheezed something like a laugh. “I like you, kid. Okay, I’ll take the blaster. You’ll want to talk to Kuly Angavel. They’re on that ship.” He pointed to the XS stock light freighter parked just past the watering hole.

She nodded in respect. “Thank you, Sarco.”

He grunted in response and rose to leave, promptly dismissing her.

* * *

The light freighter had seen better days, Rey was sure. Still, the ramp was down and she wandered in with trepidation. For the briefest moment, she had a flash of getting off this rock in something similar—hopefully with Ben in tow. It was the first time she’d ever thought about leaving Jakku with someone other than her parents. She pushed away the unsettling thought.

“Hello?” she called into the mostly vacant interior. “I’m looking for Kuly Angavel.”

“That’s me!” A bright head with a halo of horns poked out from around the corner.

“Oh!” Rey jumped back a bit. She had heard of Zabraks before, but never seen one of their species up close. 

Kuly was mostly pale peach toned with burnt umber markings and ivory horns. They wore a bright orange jacket and olive cargo pants with an impressive weapon strapped to their back. “Sorry, didn’t mean to alarm you—I was in the back doing some maintenance. Blew a generator, plus the hyperdrive is acting up so I’m stuck here until I can get everything fixed.”

“I see… mind if I take a look? I’m really good with ships.”

Kuly scratched behind one of their horns. “Uh, sure. My copilot used to be the one to handle most of the repairs, but I lost him a few stops back.”

“I’m sorry,” Rey said, delving deeper into the freighter. “Sarco said you were a cybernetics expert?” As she made her way to the generator, she passed what looked like a medbay, an operating table and expensive equipment all intact.

“Yeah, I kind of do it off the radar, if you know what I mean.”

“Perfect.” Rey smiled as she fished out the eye. “I need help with this.”

* * *

I n the end, Rey was able to mostly fix Kuly’s generator and promised to come back tomorrow with the missing piece for their hyperdrive. In return, Kuly had said they could get the eye working for Ben—which meant she’d have to bring him back to Niima.

She wasn’t looking forward to that.

When she got back to the AT-AT, Ben was preparing their dinner. It made her all warm inside, how much he’d been doing for her lately. How comfortable she felt in his presence. It was unnerving. He noticed her come in and relief flooded his features. “You were gone a long time. I was starting to get worried.”

She took her staff off her back and twirled it for emphasis. “You know I can take care of myself.”

He flushed, color flooding his face. Why did he have to be so cute? “I know, but that doesn’t mean I don’t worry.”

Rey set her things down and stood beside him as he opened the pouch. “I worry about you, too.” She huffed and tucked a loose tendril of hair behind her ear. Best to just get it out. “There’s a spacer in town, someone who knows cybernetics. I said I’d fix their ship if they’d help me with this eye—for you.”

Ben looked at her, flabbergasted. “You—what?”

“I’ve been looking at it myself and researching, but I just can’t figure it out. It’s more complicated than limbs, and you’ll need a procedure to put it in—”

“You got me an eye?”

“Yes, of course. The patch was only meant to be temporary.” she reached up and touched it gently, letting her finger drift down the scar that traversed his cheek. When she reached his jaw, she realized the intimacy of her gesture and abruptly stopped, clearing her throat.

Ben’s lips were slightly parted. If she wanted to, she could rise up on her toes and—

“I don’t know what to say,” he blurted.

“You don’t have to say anything.” She smiled. “But you do have to come with me tomorrow. I need to finish the repairs on Kuly’s ship, and they need to work on that pretty face of yours.”

Ben was going red again, and Rey realized too late what she had said. “Pretty?” he echoed.

“I mean—not pretty. Handsome. Whatever, you know what I mean. Let’s eat.” She reached around him to pry the veg-meat off the hot plate before it got scorched. And before she could stick her foot in her mouth again.

* * *

Rey tried not to squirm too much, but she was hyper aware of Ben’s arms around her as they whizzed over the dunes on her speeder. She had had a restless night, sheer mortification washing over her as she tossed and turned in her hammock. Why had she called him pretty? Not that it wasn’t true, but she had so little experience with attraction, and Ben was older and more experienced. She had almost prayed a nightwatcher would come swallow her whole.

She nearly veered them off course when she felt his lips next to her ear. “You okay?”

She nodded her head, unable to do anything else. But there was a tingling between her legs that was new—at least, the cause of it was new.  _ This isn’t good _ , she thought.

Rey almost sobbed with relief when they finally reached Niima Outpost and disembarked from the speeder. She had brought them as close as possible to where Kuly’s ship was parked. She hopped off and spotted Ben as he settled on his artificial legs. He was nearly a pro with them by now, but she still wanted to make sure he didn’t stumble.

“This way,” she mumbled trailing ahead of him as they walked over to the freighter. 

“This ship looks familiar.”

She turned around to look at him. He was eyeing the dome-like roof of the ship as well as the ramp. “Jog something from your memory?” she asked.

He shrugged and continued on, the mechanical whirring in his leg the only sound for a moment. “Too soon to tell.”

To Rey, all these light freighters looked alike—and as most of them were used for smuggling, they were all pieces of junk.

Kuly welcomed them both with a slight smile. “Oh the eye is for him, eh? Should’ve known a pretty thing like you would be taken.”

Rey blushed. “Oh, it’s not—”

“That’s right,” Ben quipped, interrupting her. He looked at Rey as if to say  _ just go with it. _

She did, but she’d have to do something about the nervous fluttering in her stomach.

Kuly led the way further into the bowels of the ship. “Come with me,” they motioned to Ben. Then to Rey, “You’ll be okay with the repairs?”

“Yes. Um,” Rey fumbled for the right thing to say. “Be careful with him.”

Kuly smiled, their teeth sharp and white. “Relax, kid. I know what I’m doing.”

_ I hope so, _ Rey thought.

It took her the better part of an hour to get the generator back in working order. She also fixed the hyperdrive—all she had to do was bypass the compressor, who would’ve guessed? There had been no sign of Kuly or Ben, so Rey decided to see what progress they were making. She wandered back to where she remembered the operating room to be.

It was sealed shut, but the room itself was frosted transparisteel. She could see Ben on the table, Kuly standing over him. They used a long instrument that hovered over his right eye. It looked like the cybernetic one had already been placed and Kuly was making final adjustments. Rey decided it would be best not to bother them and hung back, finding a metal stool to perch on.

After another thirty minutes, the door finally opened. Rey stood up, hope in her eyes.

Kuly came out, hands on their hips. “He’s doing great! Tested the eye functions, and his vision is probably better than it ever was before.”

“Oh that’s great news!” Rey heaved a sigh of relief. “Can I see him?”

“Yeah, he’s resting, but should be just about ready to get up and move.”

“Thank you, Kuly.”

“Is my ship space-ready?”

“Yes.”

“Then thank you as well.” They smiled and gave her shoulder a squeeze as they brushed by.

Rey entered and walked slowly to where Ben was rapidly blinking as he pushed himself up. She really needed to find him an arm soon. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine,” he mumbled. 

Then as he blinked some more and focused on her, his jaw dropped slightly. Kuly had shaved him—or made him shave before the procedure. Rey wasn’t sure it was completely necessary, but she appreciated it anyway, staring at his slightly asymmetrical face. His left eye was still that deep honey brown that she could get lost in if she wasn’t careful. But the new one—it looked almost completely normal save for that it was a vivid shade of blue.

He was still staring at her—his technicolor gaze piercing—though he managed to close his mouth. “Wow.”

“What?” she asked, reddening under his scrutiny.

“You’re even more beautiful now that I have two eyes again.”

“Be-en,” she groaned, swaying on her feet. Rey wasn’t good with compliments. She called out to Kuly, “Did you give him something?”

The Zabrak poked their head around the corner. “A mild painkiller, but nothing to make him loopy, I promise.”

Rey huffed and offered her arm to Ben as he got down from the table. “Sure,” she muttered.

As they rode home, Rey pretended not to notice that Ben was gripping her a little tighter, his chin tucked into her neck. It was like he was trying to wrap his whole body around her. She also lied to herself about how much she was enjoying it, his warmth at her back as the desert winds whipped around them.

* * *

Rey started to pull away a little in the following days. The fact that Ben had called her beautiful had stuck with her. The problem was that she liked it. She had begun to notice the way in which he’d watch her sometimes when he didn’t think she could see.

She also started having  _ dreams _ . He already often featured in her nighttime musings, but lately they had gotten more carnal. They would  _ do _ things. Things she’d only caught brief glimpses of in holos. Things that made her wake with a stickiness between her thighs. She hadn’t touched herself since that one night before he’d fully healed. It was almost like torture. She crept out of her hammock before dawn and slid away to the other room quietly, rubbing herself to completion before he got up.

“You’re mad at me,” Ben stated, swallowing down a mouthful of polystarch.

Today was going to be his first scavenging trip. He’d gotten used to the eye and though he still only had one arm, she thought he was ready. “No, I’m not.”

“Then why have you been so quiet and distant? Ever since I got my new eye, it’s been like this.”

She shrugged.

“Rey,” the timbre of his voice forced her to pay attention. She shivered at the way he said her name. “Tell me.”

She started to blush and stammered, “You said I was beautiful!”

His eyes widened, and he sat back. “I didn’t mean any—”

“I’m not used to it, okay? I don’t know how to deal with compliments and people being nice. And I think what we have now is pretty good, right? I don’t want—”

He put his hand on her arm. “I’m not asking anything from you.”

She looked up then, relief in her hazel eyes. “Okay, good.”

“I just was telling you the truth. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“No, it’s not that.” She scrunched up her nose. “You’re my first real friend. I’m trying to get used to how that works.”

He smiled. “Well, as far as I can remember, you’re my first friend, too.”

Rey laughed. “Oh by the way, Kuly gave us some parting gifts.” She pulled out some dried berries. “This fruit apparently comes from Dathomir. And this is for you.” She handed him a straight razor.

“Oh, perfect.” He took it and inspected the sharp edge. “I meant to ask them about that. I haven’t had such a close shave in a long time.” He scratched at the newly formed stubble on his chin.

“Well, it looked good,” Rey said, popping a berry in her mouth before she could say anything else.

“Yeah?” Ben smirked. “Then I guess I’ll shave regularly now.”

“Come on, let’s get going.”

* * *

Ben seemed to be in awe of the Graveyard. He was too easily distracted by the different ships. Rey found herself constantly yelling at him, “That one’s already been ravaged!”

Finally, she scoped out a frigate she’d never been inside—these were usually pretty light on salvage, but she figured it would be a good starting place for Ben. He knew by now from cleaning the parts what to look out for, and she gave him a quick rundown of other items specific to this class of ship. Then they split up to explore the vessel in separate sections.

She had made sure to pack him a bag with all the essentials, including the lightsaber, just in case. He had his own canteen and goggles for the sun. She watched him lower himself into the bowels of the frigate, his loose tunic and gauzy wraps clinging to his muscles in the desert breeze. Her mouth went dry.  _ Calm down, _ she chided herself.

Then she set about inspecting her section of the ship.

Rey managed to find a fuel injector and a couple power cells in near mint condition before deciding it might be time to head back. It wasn’t a great haul, but she expected that going in. She wanted Ben’s first trip to be somewhat easy. She climbed back out of her side and was heading to go check on Ben when something clipped the back of her head.

Grabbing her staff, Rey whirled to face the intruder. There were five of them—all covered in protective garb with face masks or goggles. She couldn’t tell who they were, but scavengers rarely worked in packs. These marauders had to be after something specific. 

The biggest one stepped forward. “Your boyfriend has some expensive hardware installed. We’re going to pick him apart while you watch,” a modulated voice threatened.

Rey snarled at them, going into a defensive stance. “Over my dead body.”

“That can be arranged,” one of the others said as they all started to advance.

She had never taken on more than three opponents at a time. And those three were small Teedos. This was overwhelming to say the least. The group all had staffs of their own or metal weaponry that looked intimidating. 

She thrust and parried with the thug closest to her, who was wielding what looked like a long piece of pipe. A second came up on her side—she quickly jammed the end of her staff into the sand and used it to propel herself forward into kicking him. He grunted as he fell over and rolled on the dune.

Another soon took his place and Rey twirled herself around, grabbing her staff back and shoving one end into his abdomen, which he narrowly avoided. Frustrated, she let out a yell and charged forward.

It was at this moment that she distantly heard a familiar voice shouting, “No!”

From the corner of her eye, she saw Ben run over, his legs a blur of blue and tan. He spared no time igniting the crackling blade of the lightsaber as he rushed two of the marauders. He cut the first one down easily, the red fire shrieking through the metallic mask of the thug. The second, he cut clean in half. 

Rey was momentarily stunned and missed her next move with the foe she was currently facing. He wrestled her staff away and used it to put her in a chokehold. “Ben!” she yelped, knowing he was probably still too far away to help.

She cast a glance to him anyway, watching as he charged up the dune, cutting yet another of the goons down—even with one arm, he could still swing the blade like nothing she’d ever seen. Then his eyes whipped to her and he stopped cold. “Rey!” he screamed. 

He extinguished the blade, dropping it as he stretched his hand out. She had no idea what he could be doing. But suddenly, the marauder who had her by the neck was ripped backwards. She turned to see him moving through the air and thrust onto his comrade’s waiting ax. The last thug dropped his weapon in shock as Rey kicked her staff back into her hand and promptly knocked him out.

Slowly, she moved her feet to face Ben. His eyes were still wild, his hand outstretched as he surveyed the carnage around them. Four of the five goons were dead, all by his doing. He dropped his hand and sank to his knees in the sand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always to my beta [obsessivepropulsive](https://twitter.com/obsessivepro)!
> 
> [Babbajo the Crittermonger](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Bobbajo)  
> [Sarco Plank](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Sarco_Plank)  
> [Zabrak](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Zabrak) (I got the name Kuly from this [Star Wars name generator](http://www.dimfuture.net/starwars/random/generate.php))  
> [steelpecker](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Steelpecker)  
> [nightwatcher](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Nightwatcher_worm)  
> [XS stock light freighter](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/XS_stock_light_freighter) (looks a little like the Falcon, no?)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Endless apologies for the long wait! Things have been rather crazy lately (as you may have noticed, heh). Hope everyone is staying safe and sane. Thank you for all the amazing feedback! Even if I don't answer your comment, I promise I cherish each one. 
> 
> As always thanks to my beta, obsessivepropulsive.

Ben stashed a power cell in the pack Rey had given him. Even with one arm, he thought he was shaping up to be a pretty good scavenger. It made him feel good to be useful—to earn his keep. She had done so much for him already and he  _ would _ find a way to make it up to her. 

Preferably in a way that didn’t involve the depraved things his subconscious liked to dredge up when he dreamed. When he closed his eyes at night, he was perpetually bombarded with thoughts of his lips on her skin, her moans in his ear, her warmth surrounding him. It was dangerous, the things he felt for her. Especially when he knew now she didn’t feel the same way—he could never let her know about these thoughts.

The noise of a scuffle out on the dunes alerted him that his presence might be needed outside the frigate. As quickly as he could, he climbed back out and slid down the side onto the sand. His heart nearly stopped when he saw Rey engaged in combat with five other scavengers. He needed to get to her.

“No!” he screamed as he ran, pulling the lightsaber from his bag. 

It must have been muscle memory—the way he ignited it with ease and thrust the jagged blade through the first thug’s mask. It came so easily, spearing another living being with the weapon. He saw the second man come up from his left and twirled as he removed the saber, slashing downward to cut the marauder in half diagonally.

His only thought was keeping Rey safe. Sure, she was formidable enough on her own, but they were outnumbered. Something about facing a group of masked combatants jolted something in his memory, but he didn’t have time to deal with it. The faster he could get to her, the better he’d feel. As he watched the second foe fall, he heard her call, “Ben!”

One of the men had her in a chokehold, another standing close behind wielding an ax. He charged up the dune as another of the henchmen ran at him. It barely fazed him when he sliced through him like butter. He was still too far away, though. 

“Rey!” he screamed as he extinguished the saber, plunging his hand forward as if reaching for  _ something. _ A boundary within his mind snapped and suddenly he was overcome by energy. He made a ripping motion with his arm and the goon who had Rey by the throat soared backward onto his buddy’s awaiting ax.

_ The Force. _ He could use the Force.

Flashes of memories started swirling in his head, along with red-stained visions of the things he’d just done. He could kill, so easily. He looked down at the bodies around him and then up at Rey, who was now coming towards him.  _ No, stay away. I’m dangerous. _

It was all too much. He collapsed to his knees.

“Ben!” she screamed rushing over to him. She joined him, kneeling in the sand and cupped his face to look in his eyes. “Are you okay?”

His head was pounding. He kept seeing blurry images he couldn’t make heads or tails of. His breathing was labored and his heart rate rapid. “What have I done?” he whispered.

“You saved me. You saved my life. Ben, can you hear me?”

He could vaguely feel that she was touching him, but there was too much going on in his head to parse. He registered her worried look. He didn’t want to make her sad. He felt so many things for her. Was he destined to always be a disappointment?

“Ben! Look at me!” Her shouting finally jarred him enough to look in her eyes. He noticed the relief that flooded her features as she brought him towards her in an embrace. “You scared me there for a minute.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Rey. I’m so sorry.”

She pulled back. “For what? You saved us! And what was that thing you did—you know what? Doesn’t matter. We’re safe because of you.” And then she kissed him.

Ben’s brain could barely keep up with what was happening, but the moment Rey’s lips touched his, he was lost. He pulled her closer with his right arm—never did he wish more to have two working hands. Her mouth was softer than he’d been expecting, and his eyes fluttered closed instantly. She  _ did _ want him. He’d never felt more alive.

Finally she pulled back and looked at him. “Was that—was that okay?”

He smiled and felt her fingers caressing his dimples. “Yeah, more than okay.”

She stood and held out her hand. “Good. We should get back, then.”

* * *

They dropped all of their things the moment they entered the AT-AT. It was a poor haul, Ben knew, but Rey seemed to have more pressing things on her mind. She twirled around with wide eyes and burst out, “Those marauders wanted your parts.”

“My parts?”

“The expensive prosthetics I scavenged for you. They said they were going to make me watch while they tore you apart.” Her face instantly betrayed her emotions and he rushed to her, pulling her close.

“Well, they didn’t get them.”

“No, but Ben—what if it happens again?”

He could feel her worry. Now that the Force was flowing through him again, he could  _ sense _ Rey. Her emotions, their connection, but also—her power. He didn’t think she knew. One thing at a time. “It won’t. We won’t let it.”

“I’m scared,” she whispered into his shirt. “I’ve never—gotten this close to someone before. I’ve never  _ worried _ about someone else before.” 

Ben saw flashes of a kind face, the blue eyes of a close friend. He had known kinship, and he had known family—but  _ never _ had he felt the way he did when he saw Rey’s attackers today. Like he’d give his own life to protect her. Her safety was his top priority now, and maybe she needed to be protected from him. That was the scariest thought of all.

She pulled back and looked into his eyes, her own hazel depths glistening. “Aren’t you going to say something?”

“Rey, I—” he pulled his hand back, scratching the back of his neck. “I was right. I’m a dangerous man. I should probably leave. It would be… safer for you.”

Her eyes widened like he’d just slapped her. “No. Why would you say that? What you did today—you saved me, saved us both.”

“It was so easy, killing those men. The thought of them hurting you—I couldn’t take it. I cut them all down so fast.”

“I know. I would’ve done the same for you.” Her eyes held such fire. The things he was feeling right now were nearly unspeakable. He needed to get away. 

“I need some space. Just give me a few minutes.” He walked out into the arid Jakku air and breathed in deeply. He could feel the life pulsing all around him, the currents of the Force sweeping up and over everything. 

He could feel the dark tugging at his mind, but he ignored it for the moment, choosing instead to focus on the solid beam of light that was Rey. She was strong in the Force, it was probably how she was able to save him after the crash. He was going to have to tell her. Maybe show her how to use it. Then he’d need to leave.

He saw things in bits and pieces, but not the whole picture yet. He remembered the knights. Remembered how they’d left him for dead. He wondered who had taken up the mantle of Ren in his place. Who was leading them in the Shadow? And where was Snoke? He shuddered remembering the way it felt to have him always in his mind, his sharp claws tearing his every thought apart. He had to protect Rey from him.

He briefly thought about Luke, about his parents. Were they out there somewhere, imagining he was dead? Had they mourned at all, or did they feel free? He sank down into the sand, pulling his chrome knees up to his chest and laying his arm across them as he buried his head to cry. It seemed Kuly had restored the tear ducts on his right eye as well.

He almost wished he could forget again. Stop the deluge of memories that were pouring in. Each one seemed to be more painful than the last. He had already lost so much. Could he stand losing Rey, too? It would be in her best interest if he went far away. He could only imagine the terror Snoke or the knights would reap if they discovered he had been holed up here with her, a simple scavenger.

As his thoughts continued to swirl in this tumultuous manner, he sensed her presence, that bright and irresistable energy moving towards him. She was like a beacon in the Force. If he had felt drawn to her before, when he was still cut off, it was nothing compared to now. It was like he had known her forever.

She sat down beside him. “You’ve been out here for nearly thirty minutes. You know you burn if you stay in the sun too long.”

Here she was, still worried about his well being. He huffed a little laugh. “I doubt I deserve your concern.”

“Well, too late. You have it anyway.” He chanced a look at her to see her staring at him intently, concern all over her radiant, freckled face. His chest tightened. “Ben, what is it?”

He shook his head. It was too much. “I don’t think I could accurately explain. I could maybe… show you?”

She nodded, the edges of her lips curling up. “How?”

He turned to face her, and she followed suit. Then he leaned forward and touched her face, extending his fingers to her temple. When he’d entered people’s minds in the past, he remembered doing it painfully. But he thought for Rey, he could learn to be gentle. He reached out with the Force.

He could feel her seeing it. Mostly flashes—his time at the Jedi Academy, his parents, the Knights of Ren, Snoke—she was crying by the end of it. Then something brighter flared to life. Her eyes widened in recognition, and she fed him flashes in return—a ship flying away leaving her with Unkar Plutt, falling and breaking her arm, and the cold rush of the dark side she’d felt the day he turned. The day he became Kylo Ren.

He gasped and pulled back, his eyes widening to match Rey’s. “It  _ is _ you.”

She grabbed his hand before he could scramble too far away. “Ben,” she kissed his knuckles. She was smiling. How could she, after everything he’d shown her? “What is this? What did you just do?”

“The Force. We’re connected through the Force.” He wasn’t sure how, or why, but he knew now. That bright spot that had tethered him to the light—it was her, it had always been her.

“The Force,” she repeated. Then she lifted her hand like she’d seen him do earlier and called her staff to her. “Amazing.”

“Rey,” he started. “Aren’t you upset? After what I showed you?”

“I am upset.” She reached out and tucked a lock of hair behind his ear. “But not with you.”

He stared at her feeling confused. Did he not show her the things he’d done?

“I’m upset with your parents for not knowing what to do with you. I’m upset with your uncle for trying to kill you. I’m upset with the monster that lived in your head telling you your only worth is on the dark side with him. But I’m not upset with  _ you. _ ”

He looked at her, confusion in his eyes. Her hazel green depths stared back, no fear or anger anywhere to be found. Didn’t she understand that he was dangerous? He whispered low, “I’m a monster, Rey. To my parents, my uncle, to so many people.”

She heaved a big sigh and pulled herself onto his lap. She was straddling him now and it was hard not to think about the parts of their bodies that were currently connected. He felt himself starting to harden a little. “But not to me.” She kissed him again, slower this time.

Ben’s hand reached up to tangle in her buns. He remembered now—he’d never kissed someone before. The other students at the academy had played some harmless games, but he always found a way to slip off without participating, scared of being touched, being known. Somehow, he wasn’t scared of that with Rey.

It was pure instinct, the way they kissed. When she gasped, he let his tongue slide inside her mouth to taste her. It was every bit as divine as he’d been imagining—moreso, even. He moaned and let his hand drift down her neck, trailing down her spine and ending at the small of her back. He longed to go lower, to see if her bottom was every bit as firm as he thought, but he didn’t think they were ready for that. 

Then she bucked her hips against him. 

Ben’s eyes flew open, his cock now at full mast. Surely she could feel it underneath his lightweight pants. “Rey,” he breathed, pulling back from her.

“What?”

“I don’t think we should—”

She tilted her head in confusion. “Shouldn’t what?”

He gulped. “Go any further… than this. I don’t—it’s just… you know, I’m nearly ten years older than you.”

She laughed. “What does that have to do with anything?”

Ben didn’t know, really. He supposed there were laws on some planets, but Jakku seemed like an ‘anything goes’ sort of place. Just because he’d never done anything like this, didn’t mean she hadn’t. In a lot of ways, Rey was more mature than he was. He’d hate to disappoint her.

He was snapped out of his reverie by her hands on his face again. “Where’d you go? What’s going on in there?” She tapped his temple.

“I’m sorry. I just don’t know if you have expectations, and I’ve never—”

Realization dawned on her face, and she actually blushed, the pink beneath her freckles a lovely color. “Oh! Me neither.”

He heaved a sigh of relief. “Oh. Good.”

She collapsed against him for a moment, whispering in his ear, “I’m just glad we’re both alive right now.”

He smoothed his hand over her back again. Stars, she felt so good in his embrace. “Me too,” he replied.

* * *

Ben was relatively quiet during dinner, but Rey kept using the Force to levitate things between them. She giggled when he went to take a bite of bread and she moved it out of his hand and back onto his plate. He gave her a dirty look.

“I’m sorry.” She laughed again. “How do you not just do this all the time?”

He sighed. She just discovered these abilities, of course she’d want to test them out. For her, it didn’t come with all the extra baggage. “I used to, when I was a little boy.”

She floated a piece of veg-meat to her mouth and ate it. Then she continued talking with her mouth full. “I wish I had known about this sooner—would’ve made scavenging a lot easier.”

“You’ve had the power all along.” He frowned as he looked at her, so many years in her young eyes. “You just didn’t have someone to teach you.”

Rey’s eyes widened and she smiled, a grand idea blooming across her face. “That’s how you can repay me.”

“What?”

“You’re always going on about how you owe me and you want to pay me back by earning your keep, but this is what I want. Show me the ways of the Force. Teach me, Ben.”

He shook his head—not because he was refusing, but because he couldn’t believe she’d want him to still teach her after everything he’d shown her today. “I don’t know, Rey…”

She reached over and grabbed his hand, giving him a slight squeeze. “Hey, look at me.” He did. Her eyes were earnest and warm. “When you crash landed here you were barely alive. I took you in because I had a feeling about you. That must’ve been the Force. All I know is the man I’ve known for the past few months—that’s who you really are. And that man has been nothing but kind and honest and strong.”

He swallowed, feeling the tears pricking at his eyes. “How can you be so sure? The man that you saw out in the Graveyard today—”

“Was simply protecting what’s his. That’s the way of a scavenger.” She smiled again and put her hand over his heart. “I know who you are in here, and he is good.”

Did she mean that  _ she _ was his? He decided not to read too much into it, but he couldn’t resist touching her, his thumb caressing her cheek as she leaned into his hand. “I don’t deserve you.”

“That’s not true.” She finished her last bite of food, licked her fingers, and scooted closer to him. “Show me how to do that mind thing again.”

“Okay.” He wiped his hand off and faced her, gently touching her temple again. Touch wasn’t even really necessary to enter someone’s mind, but with Rey it felt like a requirement. Contact with her was becoming second nature to him—he shuddered to think what would happen once he lost it.

It only took a second of them locking eyes before he eased gently into her mind. It was so different than it had been with anyone else. He felt at home here, welcome even. And he could feel her in his mind, too, her presence so notably different from Snoke. She showed him her darkest secret—the day she had been forced to kill another scavenger in self defense. All this over a haul that gained her twenty portions. He saw her offer to split the parts with the other scavenger, but he refused. He watched as a feral Rey defended what was hers. He watched her stand over the body and say, “I’m sorry.” He watched her collect her portions from the Blobfish. She had been fifteen at the time.

As he pulled back and looked at her, he could feel the concern radiate from her in waves. She truly cared for him, about him. She looked down at the floor, trailing her toe on the worn metal of the AT-AT’s interior. “So you see, I’ve got blood on my hands, too.”

He wanted to say it wasn’t the same, that what she’d done in self defense could never amount to the things he’d willingly chosen when he took up the mantle of Kylo Ren. But it wouldn’t matter. His scavenger was stubborn, and she’d already made up her mind about him. He wouldn’t argue with her any further tonight.

“Alright, I’ll train you.”  _ That way you’ll know how to handle yourself when I leave. _

“Really?” Rey beamed at him and threw herself around him, kissing his cheek. “Thank you!”

When she pulled back, she looked like she wanted to kiss him again. He thought about going in for it first—he wanted to—but it would just make it that much harder when he eventually left. He broke their intense eye contact, turning his head to survey the small room.

“I’m really tired,” he said. “We should probably get to bed early since we’re now adding Force-training to our already hectic schedule.” He offered her a limp smile.

She nodded, looking only slightly put off. “Sure. Good idea. I’ll probably putter around with some spare parts before I sleep, but you go right ahead.”

Ben’s heart broke a little as he watched her clean up and head into the other room. He really was exhausted, though. The physical exertion combined with his memories flooding back had worn him to the bone. He made himself comfortable on his bed, now with more cushioning thanks to a recent haul. He was out within minutes.

* * *

Vicrul had always been wary of his leadership. The other knights had bowed easily when he cut down Ren in front of them. But Vicrul had his doubts. “You were a Jedi,” he’d say. “Maybe you still are.”

“I was never a Jedi,” Ben would respond. He kept referring to himself as Ben in his head, though. Snoke had to torture him into only using Kylo instead.

He would train with the knights, go on missions, and return back to Snoke’s headquarters. His master would train him in the dark side and torture him into submission. He looked at it as a mercy. Master Luke didn’t have the tenacity to go there—he was always so afraid of what the dark side could do. He was thankful for Snoke’s relentless pursuit of excellence at first. He thought of how much stronger he’d be after being refined by fire.

But the light refused to leave him.

He had been leading the knights for over three years. Snoke had sent them on plenty of missions, and he’d wrought carnage along the way (though he’d always try to find the path of least bloodshed), but this time it was different. He had sent them to a planet in the Unknown Regions to kill a rival group of Force users. What he’d neglected to tell him is that they were all children.

_ Kylo looked into the eyes of the young Togruta child, no more than eight or nine years old. She was the youngest of the bunch and had the most beautiful blue eyes he’d ever seen.  _

_ “It’s now or never, Ren,” Vicrul sneered. “You know why we came here. Let’s get it over with.” _

_ The group was led by a humanoid female, herself no more than fourteen years of age. Where were all the adults? There were twelve of them, but against the Knights of Ren? They wouldn’t stand a chance. There wasn’t even a prize to be won here. Snoke just wanted them eliminated. _

_ He remembered the temple burning, the way he couldn’t save his fellow students, the powerlessness he felt. He wouldn’t subject these kids to the same torment. “No. They’re just children, Vicrul. We’re not going to massacre a bunch of kids.” _

_ “Kids grow up into adults. These children present a threat to us.” Vicrul held his scythe above his head, moving to strike the young Togruta. _

_ Kylo flicked on his saber and met Vicrul’s weapon in a shower of red sparks. They fought, viciously. Most of the knights took Vicrul’s side as they turned on their leader. Kylo had yelled at the children to run, to get out of there, but a few remained and fought by his side. They all perished at the knights’ hands. _

_ In the end, the knights had taken his left arm, both his legs, and left a nasty gash on his face that cut through his right eye. When he came to, it took every last ounce of strength he had to crawl to a safe vantage point. The leader, the young humanoid female, came back to check on him. _

_ “It’s not safe—you can’t stay here,” she warned. “But there’s a few abandoned Imperial ships over that ridge. I think I can get one working for you.” _

_ She helped him into the TIE. He was barely able to plot a course before falling unconscious, somehow crash landing in the Jakku desert. _

Ben awoke with a start, sweat saturating his hair. Rey was right beside him. “Shh, it’s okay.” She held a cool cloth to his forehead.

“That feels nice.”

“I saw everything, Ben. I saw how you protected those kids. I saw what your men did to you.”

He looked up at her. “How?”

She shrugged. “It was like I was having a dream. Maybe we were having the same dream.”

“But it wasn’t a dream. It was a memory.” His brows furrowed as he wondered—could the Force be connecting their minds? Was this what happened when you entered someone else’s head too much?

He thought about it some more as Rey comforted him, wiping away his sweat and offering him some cool water to drink. Then another presence entered his mind and stopped him cold.  _ My boy, I thought you were dead. I’m so relieved. _


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it's been so long since the last update. Quarantine has been sapping my creativity and motivation. I haven't had a chance to respond to each comment individually but I cherish every single one!
> 
> Thanks as always to my beta, obsessivepropulsive.

In sleep Ben looked so innocent—like he couldn’t possibly be responsible for the atrocities he’d claimed. Rey’s heart broke for him, now knowing the things he’d gone through. She couldn’t imagine growing up beneath the burden of so many legacies. He had been pulled in two opposite directions since the day he was born.

She had thrashed about in her hammock, the weight of his memory like lead in her own mind. She saw it all so clearly, but more than that—she could feel the light inside him. He wasn’t as far gone as he liked to think. He was still moaning and moving around when she woke, so she wasted no time getting the rags and cool water to help him.

She watched his brows furrow as he tried to parse out how she could be seeing his memory, too. The thing that annoyed her about Ben was that he always tried to figure out how or why. He could never just accept things for what they were. Rey couldn’t explain their connection, but she didn’t need to. It just was. She wanted to explore it, but it seemed he wanted to _explain_ it.

Then he stilled and went pale. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

Ben’s eyes widened, then his mask quickly returned. She hated when he did that. “Nothing. It’s nothing.”

“Fine. Don’t tell me.” She rose and threw the rag back into the bucket before leaving him. He could only shut her out so long. Didn’t he understand that she accepted him as he was? That she—no, she couldn’t think things like that yet. 

Rey wasn’t used to letting people in, letting them get so close. She wasn’t ready for how much it hurt in the end. She had a feeling if she didn’t act carefully, she could lose Ben, and that would be unbearable. Whatever they were now, it felt like more. If she were truly honest with herself, it felt like _everything._

And that was terrifying.

She stormed off into the other room, not wanting to be near him at the moment. A piece of a cybernetic arm laid on the table, and she picked it up to tinker with it. An arm was the only thing that Ben still needed—but it had also been giving her the most trouble. Truth be told, part of her wasn’t sure if she wanted to finish it. He’d proven himself capable enough with one arm, and if he were ‘complete’ again, maybe he wouldn’t need her anymore. 

And if he didn’t need her, then there was nothing keeping him on Jakku. She stood and threw the arm across the room, letting out a frustrated scream. She’d been waiting for someone for so long. Someone to come and tell her she was meant for more—that she wasn’t supposed to be here. These past few months with Ben was the first time she stopped thinking about it, stopped wondering when they’d come, stopped notching tick marks in the wall.

“Rey?” Ben stood in the entryway, stooped over because he was so ridiculously tall. He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Everything okay in here?”

“Fantastic, thanks for asking,” she deadpanned. She balled her hands into fists and put pressure on her eye sockets, trying to resist the urge to cry.

“I’m sorry,” he said, eyes darting around what was essentially her junk room. It made her self conscious, and she started tidying up. “I’m not really good at talking about—well, just talking in general.” He shrugged.

She huffed, wanting to deny how cute he was when he was being apologetic. “I don’t know if you noticed this, but I’m not particularly good at it either. I was just fine on my own before you came along and now—” she cut off, gesturing around helplessly. “This is all so new to me.”

He shuffled over to where she was bent down, picking up the things she had just thrown across the room. When she stood, he wrapped his arm around her. “Don’t be afraid. I feel it, too.”

Rey stepped into him and leaned her head on his chest. She sighed and rubbed circles into his back. It was getting harder to deny how good it felt to have someone around all the time. Not just anyone, but specifically Ben. The way he smelled, the feel of his touch, _kriff_ —even the sound of his breathing. She was getting so used to him. The walls she spent most of her life putting up were slowly falling down, and he was the one with the sledgehammer.

* * *

Ben was practically a menace now that he had the Force back. She barely noticed that he was missing an arm because whenever his right arm was occupied, he would just levitate whatever he needed to himself.

She wasn’t mad about it. It turned out having access to the Force was very useful for scavenging. She wished she’d known she could make things float a long time ago. She was busy pulling a control panel free from some tricky wires and was able to catch a battery cell with her mind and float it into her pack, all without losing the mess currently in hand. She smiled and laughed to herself.

When she and Ben compiled their loot, her eyes went wide. It would barely fit on the speeder as is and would surely fetch them enough portions for at least a week or two. “Ben!” she shouted, running across the sand to him. “This is amazing!”

She flung herself at him, wrapping him up in a fierce hug that he awkwardly reciprocated, his arm winding around her back. But when she pulled away, he was grinning. She could see his one crooked tooth that she secretly loved—she would never get enough of his smile. She pushed up on her toes to kiss it. 

Kissing was never something Rey had thought about before. She’d seen plenty of people do it—at the marketplace, in the cantina, in shady alleys where she also saw other things—but she’d never really wanted to just smash her face into someone else’s face. Until Ben. She deepened the kiss as he pulled her tighter to himself, letting her tongue dance against his. It was intoxicating, the way this felt.

He pulled back. “Not out here. The sandstorms could start. We should get back home, right?”

She nodded, slowly extricating herself from him. She couldn’t argue with logic like that, even if it seemed like he was pushing her away. “Right. It’s almost dinner time, and I’m famished anyway.”

Ben took the initiative to start dinner as soon as they were back at the AT-AT. She was appreciative, but she couldn’t shake the suspicion that he was avoiding her again. It was like he was constantly at war with himself. Sometimes, he’d be so open and warm to her; then he’d turn a cold shoulder the next minute. It was intensely frustrating. 

Still, he was the only person she could get this upset with and still want around. In her early days on Jakku, she’d tried making friends, but it never really worked out. Scavenging was a lonely life. She had gotten used to that idea. And then he crashed into her life. 

Rey eased herself around the cramped space until she was right up behind Ben, bent over the hot plate flipping the veg-meat. She put her arms around him and buried her face between his shoulder blades, inhaling his earthy scent. It was so nice to just be able to touch him whenever she wanted. Her fingers drifted downward to play with the hem of his shirt.

“Rey,” he warned. “You’re going to make me burn myself.”

“Sorry,” she murmured against him, kissing his back through his shirt before pushing away and strolling over to his bed, plopping down on it. “I’ll be good.”

He smirked as he plated their food. “Will you, though?”

She bit her lip in what she hoped was an enticing way. He made her not want to behave. Especially on windy days like today when she could see his muscles through the thin material of his shirt. She wanted nothing more than to undress him and stare at his toned abs, his wide chest. Maybe run her hands all over— 

“Are you going to eat?” Ben was watching her curiously. She almost always finished her food first.

“Oh yeah… just got distracted for a moment.” She tore into her food and watched him chew, fascinated with the way his jaw moved. Kriff, she had it bad.

As soon as they were done eating, she grabbed their plates and tossed them into the kitchen area. She rushed back to Ben and nearly jumped on top of him, where he was sitting on his bed. She straddled his legs and planted her mouth firmly on his, kissing him for all she was worth. 

He groaned and she took advantage of the situation, slipping her tongue into his mouth and playing with the hem of his shirt again. She wanted so badly to just rip it off of him. 

“Rey,” he breathed, and she wasn’t sure whether it was admonishment or supplication.

She bucked her hips in response and he groaned again. She could feel him hardening beneath her and if she angled herself just right—

“We should stop,” he mumbled, his hand fisted tight in her tunic.

“Why?”

“Because if we don’t, I might not be able to.”

She grunted, not moving from his lap. “What if I don’t want you to? I know what people do, Ben, when they get… intimate. I’m not a child.”

“I didn’t say you—look, can you just calm down for a minute and let me explain?”

“Do you not want me? Is that it?” She rocked back onto her rear, effectively removing her center from where she wanted it.

His eyes widened and he moved his hand to her face. “No! Nothing could be further from the truth.”

“Then what is it? I don’t understand.”

He rubbed his face, and she scrambled off of him, settling to the side as she waited for his explanation. “The Jedi expressly forbid emotional attachments. My unc— _Master_ was a little more lax in this area, but he still taught us from the ancient texts. Some of the other students would fool around and be physical, but I never did. Touch has always been hard for me.”

Rey nodded and rubbed his back. “You let _me_ touch you.”

“Yes, and you’re the first person it’s felt right with.” He turned a little to face her. “I like touching you, and I like you touching me, but—”

“You need time,” she interrupted.

“Not just that. Snoke made me feel shame over a lot of things, but especially my baser urges. I couldn’t even touch myself without him inside my head, taunting me. So I stopped doing it altogether.”

“Oh Ben,” she breathed. “How long has it been?”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Not that long, actually. I had gotten good at repressing my needs, but being around you—I finally had to relieve myself last week. I couldn’t take it anymore.”

Rey gasped a little, her fingers tightening in his bed linens. Did he think of her when he came? She could barely stand it. “I want”—she gulped, trying to find courage—“to help you with that.”

She heard his rough intake of breath. “Rey, I—”

“I think of you, too. When I... _you know._ ”

He stood up abruptly. “I just can’t.”

“Ben, what’s—”

“Snoke’s back! He’s back inside my head, and I can’t allow myself to get distracted, because I have to protect you from him.” He was gesturing around wildly with his arm and once he’d gotten it all out, he collapsed back down onto the bed, burying his face in his hand as he cried. 

She didn’t know what to say, still a bit shocked. Instead, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders while he wept, burying her face in the crook of his neck. She didn’t know how to help him, but _stars_ , she wanted to.

Eventually Ben cried himself to sleep and she tucked him in like a child, sweeping a lock of his midnight hair back from his face and kissing his forehead. If she ever got her hands on this Snoke person, she’d kill him herself.

* * *

The next morning, Ben was up bright and early. There was a polystarch loaf already out for her and he was stirring up something that smelled delicious. It was dark brown in color and the aroma was heavenly. 

“What’s that?” She sniffed the air again, her mouth watering.

“Powdered caf. I found it in that star destroyer wreckage the other day. It’s not as good as freshly brewed, but it will do. Figured we might need it today for your training.”

Rey brightened immediately. He had shown her a few basic things, but they hadn’t done anything too intensive yet, as focused on scavenging as they’d been. She knew their recent haul was good, though, and Ben must have assumed the same. “We’re training today?”

“For a few hours, then we can go to the Graveyard, if you want. Unless you think our haul is good enough for a day off.”

A day off sounded good. She hadn’t had one in so long. “Let’s just focus on the training today, then.”

He nodded and placed a tin mug in front of her. “Be careful, it’s hot.”

Rey lifted the mug to her nose and enjoyed the scent a bit more before blowing on the liquid and taking a tentative sip. She had never had caf before—it was too expensive and she needed portions more. Water was free, so she drank water. It was bitter but bold, and she swirled it around in her mouth a little before swallowing.

“What do you think?” Ben was sipping his slowly, as if savoring it. “It can be better with a bit of cream and sugar, but I got used to drinking it straight when I was traveling with the knights.”

“It’s good, dark and a bit bitter.”

“Just like me,” he quipped.

“Ben Solo, was that a joke?” She laughed and tried another sip of caf. It was growing on her.

He stilled for a moment. “I never told you my last name.”

Rey shrugged. “I just knew, somehow.”

He nodded, looking deep in thought. “I don’t know yours, though.”

“Oh I don’t have one—at least not that I can remember.”

He frowned for a moment, and she briefly wondered if someday maybe that would change. If he would want to be the one to change it.

“It doesn’t matter.” She finished drinking her caf. “Thank you so much for sharing this with me.”

“Of course,” he mumbled as he leaned over to kiss her cheek. A frisson of delight sparked through Rey’s body at his initiated intimacy. She felt like she was always the one pushing for more.

They moved to the outside of her home—technically _their_ home now—to practice. Ben walked around the exterior of the AT-AT until he found a spot that was shady enough to be somewhat cool. Then he sat down in the sand and patted the ground next to him. “One of the first things you need to know how to do is to tap into the Force, to meditate.”

Rey sat down beside him and crossed her legs. “Right.” He placed his hand on the ground in front of him, so she did the same.

“Close your eyes,” he ordered. “Take a deep breath and reach out with your feelings. What can you sense around you?”

She closed her eyes and felt her lungs expand with air. She exhaled deeply. “I sense you. You’re the strongest, like a beacon—of light but also dark.”

“Good,” she heard his rich voice say. “What else? Go out further.”

Rey pushed past the overwhelming sense of Ben and down into the ground around her. She could see bones of animals and people, feel a sense of destruction, something that had happened here long ago. “I see the desert. Life. Death and decay, that feeds new life. Warmth. Cold. Peace. Violence.”

“And between it all?” Ben’s voice sounded more distant now.

“Balance and energy. A Force.” She smiled. She could feel the currents of energy binding everything together, as much as she could nearly see the thread that tethered her to Ben. They were connected—and it was good.

“And inside you?”

“That same Force.”

“Open your eyes.”

Rey did as she was told, the vision before her something she wouldn’t have believed without seeing it. All around her and Ben, the grains of sand had risen into the air and were swirling around them as if it were a private sandstorm. There was a clear barrier around the pair, though, keeping them safe from the melee. It was oddly beautiful. “Did I do that?” she asked in awe.

Ben smiled. “Yeah, you did.”

She laughed and released her hold on the elements, letting the sand crash back to the ground around them. After their meditation, Rey made sure they both rehydrated and got out of the sun for a bit before it was time for the next phase—physical combat.

“When facing an enemy, the Force will be your truest guide. But the most elegant weapon a Force-user can wield is the lightsaber.” Ben unlatched his from where he kept it on his belt and ignited the blade. It crackled a fiery crimson. “Go ahead, you can hold it.”

Rey took it in hand, finding it heavier than expected. She gave it a few experimental slashes. “Whoa. Are you sure you can trust me with this?”

Unexpectedly he came up behind her, using his hand to guide her hips and back as she held the blade. “Focus on your center when you strike,” he whispered against her ear, moving his hand to her stomach. She tried not to shiver.

They practiced with the lightsaber until her arms were tired and then tried a little hand to hand. Rey had to admit that even with two bionic legs and missing his left arm, Ben was a formidable foe. She almost wondered if he was taking it easy on her when she knocked him over onto the sand, but then he beamed up at her like he was proud.

It gave her a warm fuzzy feeling in her chest.

* * *

They continued on like that for a couple weeks, alternating scavenging and training. They even found enough time to build Ben his own speeder so he didn’t have to keep riding with her—not that she minded his warm chest against her back. But it was more efficient this way. With Ben helping, she’d been able to bank a good deal of portions and it really freed up her time to focus on the Force. She was strong, that much was clear, but she also felt like he was keeping something from her. Sometimes when she got in a particularly brutal hit or spoke her mind about what she’d seen in meditation, he looked almost nervous.

Rey wasn’t sure what it was, but she didn’t like it.

He also seemed to be keeping his distance again. He’d give her little affectionate touches or brief chaste kisses, but anytime she tried to escalate it, he would shut it down quickly. She knew he was trying to keep her safe, but it felt like a fire raging inside her, and Ben was the only one who could snuff it out. She wondered if he felt the same and was just better about controlling himself—or maybe he was having second thoughts.

She found herself lying in her hammock, feeling awkward and frustrated as her hand drifted down her abdomen. Maybe if he woke up and caught her in the act, he’d be more compelled to help.

A whimpering from his side of the room snapped her out of it.

He had been having nightmares again, somewhat frequently. If his moaning didn’t get too bad, she’d leave him be. But often, she had to wake him up for fear of what he might be seeing. Tonight, he seemed to be murmuring something.

She slowly crept down from her hammock and across the room to where Ben was sleeping.

“Not Rey… please… do whatever you want.”

She gasped and grabbed his shoulders, shaking him. “Ben, wake up!”

He roused more easily than usual, eyes wide and searching. “Rey! Thank the Force.” He clutched her tightly to himself as he heaved gulping breaths. “He had you and there was nothing I could do. It was so terrible.”

“It’s okay. I’m here,” she murmured into his neck.

“I don’t—would you stay?” He pulled back and scooted over until there was enough room for her to climb up onto the bed.

“Are you sure?” She hopped up next to him and tucked herself into his side, resting her head on his bare chest.

“Yes. I think I’ll feel better if you’re near me.”

Rey sighed and tried to stroke him comfortingly. She knew what he meant. Sleep came more quickly than it had in a long, long time.

* * *

They had just returned from Niima Outpost. “Fifteen portions—can you believe it?” Rey was smiling ear to ear.

“Yeah, that’s great.” Ben was never overly enthusiastic about scavenging, but he seemed even lower today.

“What’s wrong?” she asked as they brought their things inside.

“I can’t stay here anymore. Snoke, the knights—they’re gonna come looking for me. And I’ve put you in danger just by staying here so long.”

She froze, a chill running down her spine. “So… you’re leaving me.”

He rushed to her side. “No, I don’t want to. Rey, I want you to come with me.”

“Leave Jakku?” She scoffed. “I can’t. I’m waiting—”

“They’re never coming back,” he interrupted.

She felt a knot in her stomach tighten, tears pricking at her eyes. “How do you know?!”

“They’re dead, Rey! Your parents, whoever left you here—why wouldn’t they have come for you by now? Think about it logically.”

“That’s easy for you to say, you still have a family! And you walked away from them!”

He straightened, seeming bigger as he loomed over her. The rage in his eyes was frightening, and suddenly she saw the killer people could be afraid of. “ _They_ abandoned _me_! Threw me to my uncle like I was a problem that needed fixing.” 

He growled in frustration and hit the wall with his fist. It made a metallic bang that shook Rey to her core.

“I can’t leave Jakku. They’re still coming back for me, I know it.”

Ben whirled around, desperation in his eyes. “You belong with me! I know it. The Force wills it. Why are you being so stubborn? I can’t protect you if we’re not together.”

“I don’t _need_ your protection!” she screamed. “If you want to get away from here so badly, then just go. I’m not leaving.”

He let out a frustrated yell, making her jump as he started to move around the AT-AT, collecting his things.

She was going to tell him to wait till morning to leave, to sleep on it. But her pride and her hurt forced her lips into a thin line as she stormed off into the other room to be alone. She saw the unfinished cybernetic arm on the table, still messed up from when she had thrown it several weeks ago. 

She picked it up gently and started to tinker with it. Maybe she could send it with Ben, so he’d be able to find someone who knew what they were doing and fix it for him. Sniffling, she stood and wiped the tears from her eyes, making her way back into the other room.

“Ben, I thought you might want to have—”

He was already gone.

Panicking, Rey ran outside only to find his speeder missing from beside hers. She stumbled back inside to see a note from him on the counter where they warmed up food. His handwriting was ridiculously beautiful.

> _Rey,_
> 
> _If you find yourself in a bind, or when you finally decide to leave Jakku, my mother’s name is Leia Organa. She’s the head of the Resistance and she will help you. I still think your place is with me, but I understand your reluctance to leave. For what it’s worth, I think your parents were idiots not to want you, and you’re better off without them._
> 
> _Until We Meet Again,_
> 
> _Ben_

It was like her heart had ripped in two. She knew he was serious, but she didn’t think he’d actually leave so quickly. Dazed, she shuffled over and curled up on his bed, letting the tears fall freely.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hello... I could give a million reasons for why this took so long, but *gestures around* I'm sure you get it. Long story short, I do have an outline for this story and plan to complete it. Thank you for your patience and your comments. I haven't been good at responding lately, but I do read and cherish each one!
> 
> Also many thanks to obsessivepropulsive who beta'ed this chapter and promptly said "YOU BACK BITCH," which I greatly appreciated.

There were two things Ben Solo knew for sure—he was in love with Rey of Jakku and he was a complete idiot for leaving her. He knew it the second he got on his speeder: they belonged together. It was as if she was the other half of his soul. But he was afraid of Snoke, of what he would do to her. He had seen it in moments during their training.

Yes, Rey was strong in the light side of the Force, but she was also prone to what he would call dark side instincts. The way she lunged at him so fiercely, even her insistence on pursuing their physical relationship—these were all signs of her intense passion. Passion which could easily be manipulated by someone as powerful as Snoke. Now that he understood exactly how much all that hurt and pain could be used against a person, he wanted to prevent the same thing from happening to her. He shuddered to think of the powerful dark sider Rey could become under the wrong person’s tutelage.

He had tried his best to keep his master out, but Ben knew that Snoke had already seen the desert terrain. It wouldn’t have taken him long to figure out which planet he was on and send the knights after him. It would be safest if she came with him, but her reluctance to leave this Force-forsaken planet was frustrating. He’d give up anything to protect her, including his own happiness.

Ben knew now, more than he knew anything else: he held no loyalty to Snoke anymore. Not after what had happened with those children. Not after what happened with the knights. Not after finding Rey. There was only one other person in the galaxy he felt like he could trust at this moment. He stopped his speeder on the dunes, still a ways off from Niima Outpost and reached out into the ether.  _ Mother. _

It had been awhile since he’d searched for his mother’s Force signature. Since he’d felt her presence. But Leia Organa was always a bright, shining beacon, regardless of how many parsecs away she was.

_ Ben, _ she answered. He could feel her elation, shock, and even guilt through their bond.

The connection between them wasn’t as strong as one she shared with Luke, but it was strong enough that she was able to tell him where he needed to go. He started his speeder back up and made his way to the Outpost. A part of him wanted to look behind him to see if Rey was following, but he knew she wouldn’t be.

His stubborn, fierce scavenger still had her pride. He could not begrudge her that.

It was easy enough to find a spacer willing to take his homemade speeder as a trade for passage off the planet. Well, with a little help from the Force, it was easy. He got on board the freighter with the bedraggled human—the old man had seen a lot, he surmised. He turned to Ben. “Where are you headed, kid?”

“The Ileenium system.”

* * *

Ben knew that his mother didn’t outright trust him with the coordinates to her base. He knew that she was having him land in a trap. He didn’t blame her. Regardless of what happened that night at the temple, he’d left and been Snoke’s dark apprentice for over three years now. He had given her no reason to put her faith in him. No reason to believe that anything had changed.

Still, the cocky representative she’d sent in her stead did not instill confidence in her operation. He stood like he owned the very ground they were landing on. Ben immediately disliked him. For a brief moment, he was reminded of a dark haired boy who’d pushed him once as a child. He remembered little of their time on that planet save for that incident. The man before him wore a leather jacket and a perpetual smirk. Ben disembarked the freighter and thanked the pilot who had brought him here. The man waved him off and left without another word.

“Ben Solo?”

Ben nodded. “That’s me.”

“Captain Poe Dameron of the Resistance. The General has sent me to verify your identity and make sure you’re not concealing any weaponry or transmitting anything to the First Order.” He eyed his blue chrome prosthetic with curiosity. It was easier to keep it bare, so he had modified his pants accordingly. “That a droid leg?”

Ben ignored his comment and stepped forward. He had expected this. He widened his stance and held his arm up. Captain Dameron made quick work of patting him down, clearly not wanting to make it any more awkward than it had to be, though Ben did notice his eyebrow quirk as he got close to his groin. He confiscated his lightsaber and whistled. “This your only weapon?”

“Yes.”

“You can have it back once General Organa says it’s okay.”

“I understand.”

“Oh, and one more thing. What did your Uncle Lando used to call you as a child?”

Ben bristled. “Excuse me?”

Dameron shrugged. “Leia told me to ask—what did Uncle Lando call you as a child?”

Ben groaned and squeezed his eyes shut. “Little Starfighter,” he mumbled.

Dameron grinned. “Excellent. This way, Little Starfighter.”

“Do  _ not _ call me that.”

The captain just chuckled.

Dameron ushered him onto a rickety old-looking speeder and zoomed through the dense forest. Ben could tell he was zig zagging and taking the most circumvent route to the base, so as to confuse him. He couldn’t have cared less—he was just ready to see his mother. There was a growing hole in his chest, one that could only be explained by Rey’s absence, and he needed to see a friendly face right now.

He remembered mornings when she didn’t have meetings. She’d pull him up into her lap while she drank her caf and read him the headlines. Han would complain that he was too young to hear that kind of stuff, but his mother would just smile.  _ He’ll have to learn the ways of the galaxy someday. _

Tears started to prickle behind his eyes. He took a deep breath and pushed them down, not wanting this Dameron person to see how vulnerable he was right now. He just hoped this wasn’t all a mistake.

After about an hour, Dameron finally parked the speeder outside a nondescript building. Ben breathed in relief. It had been a smooth ride, but his joints were hurting from being squeezed into the small space. And Dameron wasn’t nearly as fun to ride with as Rey was.

“This way.” Dameron nodded in the direction he wanted them to go and Ben followed.

Dameron led him to a large door and there she was—her hair had gone almost completely gray. Was she shorter than he remembered? She was also wearing a drab, tan jumpsuit and purple vest. Gone were the fancy gowns and tailored suits fitting a princess and a politician. She was fighting a war now. He shuffled up to her sheepishly, though he could feel the love radiating off of her through the Force. “Mom?”

“Oh, Ben.” Then she was hugging him, and he let his tears flow freely as he cradled his mother’s head to his chest. She smelled the same as he remembered, like flowers and caf and hope. He buried his nose in her hair, only slightly sorry for dampening it with his tears.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled into her tresses, braided up into a neat style.

“I know.”

They stood there like that for what seemed like ages, Leia sniffling against his chest and Ben nuzzling her head. He had missed her so much. He never thought he’d be able to come home again, yet here he was. Then the sinking realization hit him—it was all because of Rey, and he had left her behind. Force, he missed her already.

When they finally pulled apart, Leia looked in her son’s eyes and must have sensed the deep sorrow inside because her mouth parted slightly. “Who is she?”

Ben’s eyes widened. “Who?”

“The girl you’re so obviously thinking about right now. I’m your mother—you think I wouldn’t notice?”

He just looked at the ground, afraid to answer. He wasn’t ready to talk about her yet.

“Oh for fuck’s sake—what happened to you, son? Where’d your arm go? What is this blue contraption? I swear, limb loss runs in this family.” She grabbed his good arm and tugged him inside. “Let’s get you to the med bay.”

* * *

The doctors worked quickly. The Resistance might be a ragtag team of rebels, but their medical team was top notch. Ben was also pretty sure being the General’s son helped. He watched in awe as Dr. Kalonia installed his new arm. It was made of the finest synthskin and once the med droids tested the nerve endings and closed the panel, he could barely tell it was a prosthetic. With another pang of guilt, he imagined what it would be like to hold Rey now that he had two arms. He hoped he hadn’t completely fucked it up.

“And now the legs. We’ve got natural looking ones here, too. But I have to say your cybernetic eye is top of the line. We won’t even need to tweak it.”

“Good,” he answered. “Could you leave the right leg? I don’t want it replaced.”

The doctor gave him a quizzical look, but agreed. “It  _ is _ a nice piece of machinery. I think we’ll just give a few minor checks then.”

He leaned back, relieved. Rey had gone through much difficulty to procure the blue prosthetic and it already felt like a part of him. He didn’t want to just get rid of it so easily. “Yes, that will be fine.”

After a few hours in the med bay, Ben felt like a new man. He no longer had to compensate for his missing left arm and he could feel all his limbs like they were his own. He almost felt whole. Almost. The missing piece was several systems away on Jakku, likely cursing his name. His stomach grumbled as he wandered the corridor aimlessly, not really sure where he should be going or where his mother was.

He almost didn’t notice the protocol droid teetering down the hall across from him. If he had seen him sooner, he would’ve gone the opposite direction. “Master Ben! It is I, See-Threepio.”

He nodded. “Good to see you, Threepio. Do you know where my mother is?”

“Oh! You have a blue leg, and I have a red arm. Quite the coincidence, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, fascinating.”

“Princess Leia—excuse me, the  _ General _ —is in the briefing room, but she told me she would like you to join her for dinner. I can escort you to the mess hall.”

Ben smirked. “Lucky for me.”

“Indeed. I can inform you of the news you missed while you were away.”

It was a long walk to the mess hall. As much as it annoyed him to listen to Threepio’s ramblings, he tried to listen in for anything important. After all, he hadn’t seen his family in a long time. But as per usual, Threepio focused on the mundane, uttering nothing of importance to Ben. One thing he did notice, however, was that the droid did not bring up his father once. He wondered what had happened and where Han Solo was now.

They passed a smattering of people on their way—most of them human, but a few different species mixed in here and there. Everyone was dressed similarly to his mother in plain, simple clothing. But they walked with purpose, held their heads high. The Resistance may have been a motley crew, but they believed in their cause wholeheartedly. It made him miss being a part of something. He thought he had found purpose with the knights, with Snoke, but it had all been a lie. He had simply been a tool for the dark side. Rey had shown him he could be so much more. He’d been her teacher, her friend, her— 

_ My boy, my boy… where are you? Let me come to you. _

Ben slammed his walls back into place quickly, shutting Snoke out. He’d let his mind wander too much. Any crack and his former master would be sure to claw his way in. He needed to be vigilant if he were to keep Snoke at bay. He couldn’t risk the First Order finding out where the base was, or worse—where Rey was.

When he looked back up, Threepio had led him to a table in the corner where a spread had already been laid out. No waiting in line with the rest of the soldiers. This was as fancy as it got for the Resistance. After months and months of nothing but veg-meat and polystarch, his mouth was watering at the simple dishes he saw before him.

He took a seat. “The General will be along shortly,” Threepio said before taking his leave.

“Thanks,” Ben replied.

A few minutes later, Ben was considering throwing all his manners out the door and tucking in when his mother appeared. “Sorry to keep you waiting. You must be starving.”

“It’s no problem.”

She just smiled at him like she knew he was lying. Leia had always been a great bantha shit detector. “Go ahead and eat, son.”

“Thank you.” He helped himself to a large serving of what looked like some mashed root vegetable, along with a sliced poultry of some sort, and a pile of green stalks that looked like they’d been drowned in butter. It was all so rich and sumptuous compared to what he’d been eating that he nearly groaned in pleasure at the first bite. 

“You’re much taller than I remember. Definitely taller than your father now.” She filled her plate as well and took a much smaller bite, content to watch him instead—as if she were memorizing his features. “So handsome, even with the scar.”

Ben flinched a bit as his mother reached across the table to touch his face. “You don’t think of me as some kind of monster, covered in scars and non-human parts?”

“I’m sure it’s a long story, but you’re my son and I’m just happy that you’re alive. That you’re here with me.” She grabbed his left hand, the new one, and gave a gentle squeeze. “How is it working?” She nodded to the hand she was still holding.

“Perfectly. Feels just like my own.”

“Excellent. So you’ve got one blue eye now, as well? Dr. Kalonia said it’s a top of the line cybernetic.”

Ben nodded and finished wolfing down the last of his food before speaking. “I had crash landed on Jakku, barely alive. This scavenger took me in and nursed me back to health. She’s the one who procured all the prosthetics for me.”

“Why go through all that trouble for a stranger?” 

He could almost feel the accusation,  _ What aren’t you telling me? _ “She’s um—she’s strong in the Force. Stronger than she knows. I think that’s how she was able to save me.”

Leia grinned. “Sounds like a real spitfire.”

He huffed a bit of a laugh. “You have no idea.”

“And you just left her there? On that trash heap planet?”

Ben closed his eyes, steeling himself. “I tried to get her to come with me, but she’s too stubborn. She says she’s waiting for her family to return for her, but they left her there when she was just a child and never returned. Who does that?”

Leia frowned, something akin to guilt covering her features for a moment. “Every parent struggles with how to do right by their child.”

“Hey—” he started. “I wasn’t trying to imply anything.”

“You didn’t need to. It didn’t take me long to start regretting the choice we made for you. I thought Luke would know better what to do with your abilities, but—I shouldn’t have sent you away. Or at the very least, we could have visited more.”

“Did he tell you what happened that night?”

She opened her mouth, but then stopped. “No, not exactly.”

“Mom, is there anywhere more private we could go talk?”

Leia nodded and rose from the table. “Follow me.”

* * *

Ben watched his mother pace circles around her little ramshackle office. He feared she might wear right through the durasteel floor. Instead of telling her the story, he  _ showed _ her what had happened that night—when he awoke to the sight of his uncle standing over him, lightsaber ignited.

“I’m going to kill him.”

“Mom, he’s your brother.”

“And he nearly killed you! Fucking Skywalkers.” 

He wisely didn’t point out that she was also a Skywalker. “I—” he paused, the million credit question he was afraid to ask on the tip of his tongue. “Where is Luke anyway?”

She finally stopped pacing, crossing her arms as she turned to him. “No one knows. Last we heard he was off in search of the first Jedi temple. That was shortly after you left. I think he was running away.”

Ben could only nod, not sure what to make of that. Was he ashamed? Scared? Why would he leave and not tell anyone where he was going?

“Now I know why, and if I get my hands on him—”

“Mom.”

She threw her hands up. “Fine, I won’t kill him before making him explain himself. But we’ve been searching for him—we need his help with this war against the First Order.”

“I’ll tell you everything I know.”

“Ben,” she started, coming over to squeeze his arm. “Why are you back? Why now?”

He plopped down in the chair across from her small desk. “It’s a long story.”

Leia took the other chair. “It has to do with the girl, doesn’t it?”

He nodded. “Her name is Rey.”

Leia sat patiently through his entire story of how he had no clue who he was when he crashed in the Jakku desert. How Rey had slowly nursed him back to health, fixed him with spare droid parts, and taught him how to scavenge. He left out the kissing, but she still wore a cautious smile like she knew. 

“You love her.” It wasn’t a question.

He scratched the back of his neck. “Yeah”—he muffled the next part by covering his face with his hands—“I’m a fucking idiot.”

She laughed. “Well, you are a Solo.”

Ben sighed, rubbing his hands over his face before removing them. “Where is he, by the way?”

“Your father left shortly after we sent you to Luke. We see each other on occasion, but he’s usually off on some backwater planet with Chewie doing Force knows what.”

He frowned. Growing up had been difficult to say the least, but he had always known that his parents loved each other, no matter how much they fought.

Leia shrugged. “We both went back to doing the only things we were good at—being parents sure wasn’t one of them.”

“I know it wasn’t… easy, with a kid like me.”

She reached for his hand again. “It’s the past, Ben. You’re here now. That’s what matters.” 

And for the first time in a long time, he believed it.

* * *

The next morning, after a much needed cup of caf, Ben had his debriefing with the Resistance leadership. He explained the hierarchy of the First Order as much as he was able and tried to answer every last question asked. However, he worried that he didn’t hold all of the details that they had hoped for. Ben had spent most of his time with the knights, off on special missions for Snoke. The military operations were largely handled by General Armitage Hux.

“Thank you, Ben,” his mother said once he was finished.

“With all due respect, General—that’s it?” Captain Dameron rose from his seat. “He spent three years behind enemy lines and all we get is some basic leadership structure information and the location of a few bases?”

Ben balled his fist where he sat, rage starting to broil beneath the surface.  _ How dare he.  _ He rose from his seat as well, staring daggers at the man. He’d show this arrogant pilot what he was made of, he’d— 

Leia shot him a warning look and shook her head. He sat back down, thankful for her intervention. “Snoke may be the figurehead for the First Order, but that’s not all he is. His agenda is larger than their military operations alone, and  _ my son _ spent the better part of three years being tortured and forced to go on dangerous missions for his nefarious purposes, so you’ll understand if he doesn’t have intricate knowledge of all their tactical protocols.”

The corner of Ben’s mouth twitched as he watched his mother put Dameron in his place. Her formidable temper was a sight to behold when not directed at him. The meeting was adjourned and the captain stormed off, probably to go punch something. 

“He’s an ace pilot and good soldier, but a bit hot-headed,” Leia said.

“I can see that. I’m not unfamiliar with the feeling.”

She smiled. “Could you use some more caf? Maybe with a splash of Corellian whiskey?”

Ben put a hand on his mother’s shoulder, grateful to be able to touch her casually again. “Sounds great.”

“You know you’re welcome to stay as long as you want.” Leia retrieved a small bottle from her desk drawer and poured a little amber liquid into her caf before passing it to him.

“I know. And I’m indebted to you and the rest of the Resistance.”

“Then why do I feel like you’re going to leave soon?”

He leaned back in his chair, reliving his dream from the night before.

_ A lush island in the middle of aquamarine waters. The flutter of life all around. An ancient power that called to him. And there, in a lonely stone hut, his uncle. A hood pulled up over his head, and a cloud of grief surrounding him.  _

He tried reaching out through the Force as soon as he woke, but there was nothing on the other end. There wasn’t the faintest glimmer of Luke Skywalker anywhere to be found. He really was lost.

“I need to find him, mom. I need to find Luke.”

Leia nodded. “I thought you might say that.” She opened another drawer and pulled out what looked like an old leather-bound journal. “This was the last thing of his that I had. I don’t know if he forgot it or left it behind on purpose, but if there’s anything in there that could help you, you’re welcome to it.”

He took the book and ran his fingers over the worn edges. Already an energy rippled through him, the promise of something more. It was the light side, not the dark that called to him. “Thank you.”

“And what about Snoke?”

“If anyone can help me get rid of his influence, it would be the great Luke Skywalker, don’t you think?”

Leia scoffed. “If you find your uncle, slap him across the face for me, will you?”

Ben laughed so hard he nearly choked on his caf.

* * *

Ben spent the next few days at the base, meditating and readying for his trip. He wasn’t sure exactly where he was going yet, but he knew one thing for sure—it was in the Unknown Regions. Back when he was a teenager, he had traveled with Master Luke, looking for ancient Jedi artifacts. He drew on this time and the information in the journal to plot a course near where he thought the planet might be.

It would be a long shot, but it’s not like he had a lot of other options.

Everyone besides his mother still greeted him with wary glances. And then there was Dameron, whose only settings seemed to be playful antagonism or outright scorn. 

In his heart, he longed to go back to Jakku—to Rey. To apologize to her and beg her to come with him. To kiss her until he had no breath left. But it was still taking most of his strength to keep Snoke out. The longer he stayed with the Resistance, the more danger he put them in. He couldn’t risk bringing that danger to Rey. 

Finally, the time came to make his departure. 

He grabbed his solitary bag and made his way to the hanger. 

“See ya later, Little Starfighter.” Dameron passed him in the hallway. 

“Fuck you.”

The captain looked him over solidly. “Maybe next time.”

Ben felt his cheeks warm as he hurried on his way.

“I’m sorry I can’t offer you more than this,” Leia said. She had given him one of the only ships she could spare, a VCX-100 light freighter that had seen better days.

“It’s more than enough. I’m just happy you didn’t throw me in a cell when I got here.” He opened his arms, and she stepped into him, tucking her head into his chest. “I love you, Mom.”

“I love you, too, Ben.”

He had forgotten how lonely space travel could be. Without even a droid for company, he was left alone with his thoughts—and that was never a comforting place to be. Granted, it was a little easier to keep his mental shields strong without all the distractions that a bustling rebel base brought. But without a focus beyond finding his uncle, his thoughts kept returning to Rey. _ I miss you, _ he thought. And like an invisible string was connected to his heart, he felt a little tug.  _ Strange. _

He didn’t have long to dwell on it as he exited hyperspace and landed right in the middle of an asteroid field. Years of Han teaching him to fly the  _ Falcon _ had prepared him well—Ben gripped the steering mechanism and deftly guided the light freighter though, taking not one single dent as he eased out of the debris and into open space. 

He looked as far as the transparisteel would allow, but all he saw was starfield in front of him. Then on a hunch, with perhaps a nudge from the Force, he veered left. Barely thirty minutes later, a system came into view. The closer he got, the more he could make it out—two stars made up the center with seemingly only one planet orbiting them.

As he approached, it looked like a water planet, all blue and gray, with swirls of white clouds. When he was near enough to see its moon, he spotted some tiny land formations. This had to be the place. It looked just like in his dream. 

He flew over multiple land formations, unable to find a suitable place to land. Then, a larger island came into view, great stone steps winding up the side of it. At the base, there was a smoother slab of stone, just about the right size for his freighter. 

He prepared the ship to land.


End file.
